First, I have been a crappy blog reader and commenter. You would think laying in bed for two weeks would be the perfect opportunity to read and comment. but I just wasn't in the mood. Yesterday my google reader had almost 200 unread blogs. I had to do it, there was just too much pressure. I pushed the button and they were gone. Sorry. I promise to do better now.


I'm sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I just feel like my life is in a holding pattern. Like I live everyday waiting for it to be over so it will be tomorrow. I can't wait for 12wks. I know that anything can happen after that. But I have never made it that far. And I need the peace of mind that the first tri is over.

Everyone keeps asking me when I am going to be excited. Well, I am already super excited to have made it this far, and that turkey survived the ectopic incident. But I know that i still have my heart guarded. I can't break that wall down just yet. Early on I told Josh this is the last time. If we lose this baby I am done. Those words are still true. And I am so afraid of what the future holds that I cannot control. But I know I cannot continue to go through the pain of m/c and IF.

So if I don't blog don't worry. It just means I am waiting. Also, if I don't blog don't leave me!!! I'm needy!!! :)