Archive for January 2010

Joy in the moment...

Sorry I haven't been blogging. I have been avoiding this space, actually I have been avoiding lots of calling friends, making new friends, answering emails, so on and so forth. This last year has really knocked me out.

I mean I'm no stranger to hard times but this last year has just been a different hard. I really wish I could get on this blog and chat about how great my life is and how things always go as I have planned them, but sadly that doesn't seem to be the lot I was given. I do believe that at some point this season will pass, but right now I am in the middle of it. See this is why I don't blog, it always seems so whiny and sad. But I realized this is MY blog and I need to get these feelings out. I decided if no one reads it then that is ok with me because I need an outlet, but it would be nice if people did read it!!

It has been 1 year since Josh lost his job. It's so funny the bliss we were in after Kai was born and then just 2.5 months later our world was rocked again. I am extremely thankful that while Josh was unemployed he got to spend so much time with Kai. Those are precious moments that neither of us will forget.

Our house has been on the market for 9 months now and I am trying not to lose faith that it will sell. I know God is in control and it will sell when it is supposed to but it is just so hard living in limbo. There is no way we will be able to move out of the inlaws and buy our own house until that one sells. And once it does sell we will still need to live here so we can pay off some debt we racked up while being unemployed.

And then there is Josh's job. He is so unhappy. How do you convince a man that the reason he can't find a good job has nothing to do with his abilities or skills? I know that men have so much of themselves tied up into providing for their families but sometimes it's not their fault. The economy just really sucks. I am just praying that he can find something that makes him happy. I will not allow him to stay at a job that he hates for too long. This unhappiness affects every other part of his life and mine too.

Friend stuff is just weird now too. I had a really good friend recently tell me we can't be friends anymore because of things I really don't understand and it has affected me in ways I hate to admit. I hate that certain things will remind me of her and how sad I am that our 10 year friendship has gone down the drain. It seems as though she has moved on just fine and I hate myself for not being able to do the same.

So as a recap...RIAN IS IN A FUNK AND SHE IS SOOOO DONE WITH IT!!! Today I am taking back control (what little I have anyways) of my life. I am going to find the joy in the midst of the crap. I have started a new diet and excercise program and I hope to be lean and mean very soon. I am going to treasure those friends who do love and care about me, and I am going to call them more often too!!! I am going to remind myself how thankful I am to be living near family and how great it has been for Kai to get to know his grandparents. And even how sometimes he seems to like them more than me!! I am going to remember that God has a plan and purpose for my life and even though I don't know all the details I will wait patiently on Him. I am going to blog more often about the wonderful things that are happening in my life. I mean I have a 14 month old, everyday is full of wonderful new things.

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