Archive for June 2009

1 am thoughts

It's very late, or I guess you could say it is very early and I am awake. I feel tired, I would like to be asleep, but an upset stomach is keeping me awake.

Here's some honesty for ya...

  • I have been avoiding church because I am not wanting to make new friends that I will have to say goodbye to very soon, it is hard enough thinking about saying goodbye to the ones I already have.
  • I have been avoiding church because I feel guilty for not truly trusting God to give me a baby.
  • I seem to have become a recluse. I don't know how it happened but I rarely go out and sometimes I am really ok with that because it takes too much energy to go out, but other times it makes me really sad.
  • I hate being in this place of limbo, waiting to sell the house and move. I am ready to start fresh. I am ready to be near family again. But at the same time I am not ready to leave all this behind.
  • It is oddly easy for me to trust God with josh's job and our finances.
  • I miss working. I don't miss actually going to work, but I miss being a part of something.
  • I want to go back to college, but I have no idea what I want to get my degree in.
  • Josh and I were going to go on a cruise with some friends for our 10th anniversary, but with our current financial situation that is not gonna happen and that makes me a little angry at all the people who caused this financial crisis.
  • I never knew that having a baby would be so much fun.
  • My dad's birthday is today. I want him to know how thankful I am to him for Kai, but words and actions can't seem to express the depth of my gratefulness.
  • My baby brother will turn 19 next friday and that makes me feel really old.

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Somethings gotta give...

We are getting desperate here in Moody land. Josh has been unemployed for almost 5 months and funds are starting to run pretty thin. We have been living off of our tax return, which I am so thankful that we got, but it is almost gone.

Josh has applied for many jobs in Amarillo, but there were two that looked really good. He actually interviewed for one, but since then both places are under a hiring freeze (thank you Fort worth Bell Helicopter for deciding to strike!).

So we are still stuck in limbo land. Do we stay here and josh gets some random job (ie: bestbuy, walmart) or do we go ahead and move and he gets a random job in Amarillo? Do we want our house to be empty? We will have to pay someone to water the flowers, take care of the yard and take care of the pool. If we wait too long to move home my MIL will be going back to school and I don't want the stress of starting school and us moving to be happening at the same time. Why is no one looking at our house? It is the cheapest one in the neighborhood and has the biggest yard and a pool.

So many questions and basically no answers. Life is just a little complicated right now. I am working on trusting God through all of this. I know 100% that I am not in control of anything that is going on here. I know he has a plan and it wil happen in his time, just like everything does. I also know that we will be ok. We have family who loves us and will help us if need be. And foreclosing on our house is not the end of the world (even though I started to get watery eyed as I typed it).

Ok, now I'm full fledge crying. It's the stress. It is getting to be a little overwhelming. And I feel so bad for Josh. This has been so hard on him. He is such a great guy, and not getting a job has nothing to do with his abilities, it is just the crappy economy. But I'm sure for guys losing and job and not being able to find another really messes with your ego and pride.

So all we can do is wait and trust. Ask God for answers to the hundreds of questions we have and just go the way we feel him leading. At this moment we think we are staying put and josh is currently looking for some random job.

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