This is a question that was posted on my forum and I thought it was very thought provoking. I am gonna answer it here and would love to see what others have to say about how they have been changed.
I believe that loss has made me a different person. Not good or bad different but different. I don't think I am that happy, go lucky girl I once was. One who saw her future and knew what it looked like.
I know that I still believe in dreams and miracles, but it is harder now for me to see them coming true for me. It is just easier to think other's get their desires and I don't. And I will never have a worry free pregnancy. I am too educated in all that can happen. My innocence about pregnancy has been stolen from me.
I think that loss has strengthened my marriage. Josh is such a wonderful husband and has been with me through all the crap. He has seen me at my very worst. The ugly person that I can be during suffering. He has rejoiced with me and wept with me. He has lost his children too and I know that it has impacted him in such a deep way. I am extrememly thankful that he has been by my side through it all and I know that he loves me regardless if we ever have children.
I think that loss has brought me closer to God. Which is interesting. The world tends to question God and ask him why he didn't stop bad things from happening. Granted I have asked him these things also, but I always end up remembering the truth. We live in a fallen and sinful world and bad things happen.period. I have some father issues and I believe that God has walked me through this to strenthen my faith in him. That even when my whole world seems to fall apart he is always there and loves me unconditionally. He weeps with me when i cry for my children. His heart is broken when mine is broken. He is the father that I have always wanted to have.
Loss has also given me so many more friends. Women out three who have been through the pain and sorrow and know how it feels. Who are shoulders for me to cry on. And who I can encourage through their tough times. I treasure their friendship so much, words can't express.
So how has loss changed you?
Categories
- 5th pregnancy
- kai
- grief
- Infertility
- josh
- IUI cycle 1
- 3rd m/c
- trusting God
- stuff
- testing
- 3rd pregnancy
- adoption
- m/c
- work
- Church
- Clomid cycle #1
- Miles
- PAIL
- babies
- book club
- causes
- chip
- donna
- fragileX
- if awareness
- job stuff
- life
- loss
- moving
- october 15
- october baby
- passat
- random
- random pics
- samuel
- september baby
- stillbirth
- three years
- trying again
- ttc
- vaccines
- 1st miscarriage
- 2nd job
- 4th miscarriage
- 5th mc
- B
- Becki
- God
- Infertilty
- MEND
- NKOTB
- acronyms
- amarillo
- another baby
- baby boy
- beth
- blogoversary
- blogtavisim
- business of being born
- chd
- childless
- christmas
- clomid cycle #7
- comments
- crafts
- cycle news
- diet
- dougie
- ectopic
- empathy
- family
- friends
- future house
- garden
- genetic testing
- giveaway
- goals
- govt stupidity
- homeopathy
- journey to mother hood
- layout
- marriage
- mothers
- movies
- my bday
- my dad
- november baby
- personality test
- pregnancy
- san franciso
- seamonsters
- soapbox
- stirrup queen
- support
- support group
- tattoo
- thoughts
- vacation
- walk to remember
- weightloss
- youth
Popular Posts
- Spring break was a few weeks ago. We went down to the metroplex and had a great time. We got to see my dad and visit lots of friends. The...
- It's been a long time since I posted about the adorableness that is Kai. So here's some things he does or says and one of my all ti...
- No I am not dead, I am alive and well. I have probably lost every reader I once had, but oh well. The apartment we were living in had free...
- So the dr called today to see If I wanted to reschedule my sono for next week. They think tomorrow will be too early and they don't wan...
- Here is the link to my first infertility blog. I stopped using it and started posting every part of my life here. Hopefully soon I will fig...
- Those are just some not so fancy words for a really early miscarriage. So I went in for my beta and it was 4.78 and anything under 5 is non ...
- I'm gonna be honest, I really don't like school. I have forgotten everything I might have learned during my schooling years, espec...
- So I have a couple of goals I want to share with you guys. I really really want to have a baby before I am 30. That gives me 15 months. Th...
- Win Kai was a baby I used cloth diapers. This website was a life saver for me. It helped me to know which kind of diapers to use, which b...