A Day in The Life of a Moody Person

The day is here again. The national recognized day to remember our babies who left us too soon. There is an "International Wave of Light" tonight at 7 your time. If you have lost a baby light a candle for them. If you haven't but know someone who has light a candle for them. Too many babies are lost every year to miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death. We need to take the taboo out of the grieving and let women know that they are not alone.




To my 5 sweet angels. I miss you everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and all the dreams I had for you. You made me the mommy that I am to your little brother Kai. I treasure him so much more because of losing you. I love you all so much.

Mommy

We are here and we are trying to figure out what life here is like. It has been terribly hard to get into any kind of a routine. But we have been enjoying getting to see family so often. I know that Josh going back to work has been so much easier because I get to see my mom on an almost daily basis. So let me do a quick update of all things Moody.

Josh's job is going well. He doesn't hate it but doesn't love it. He has realized he is the most educated person there, even more so than the partners. But he is hoping at his 6 month review they will see what an assest he is and give him raise/promotion.

Living with the in-laws is going ok. We are still trying to get unpacked and figure out where to put all our crap that we feel we need right now. All the other junk is in two storage buildings. It is a little cramped, but hey it's free so we ain't complainin!!

Kai is doing wonderfully well. He is sleeping in his crib at night and at nap time. Sometimes it is fight to get him down, but we are working on a routine so hopefully that will help. He has started CRAWLING!! Before we moved he was army crawling which worked great for him because we had hard wood floors. But here we have carpet so it was a little harder. It didn't take him long to get up on those knees and now he is all over the place. He started waving also. He is so cute when he does it. He only likes to wave with his right hand which is weird because he does most everything else with both hands. He is eating like a horse. I swear the kid has no full meter!!!

This weekend he went on his first plane ride. We went to Denver for my brothers wedding reception. (they got married in march) He did great on the plane both times, although on the way back he was kinda fussy from being tired. We had a very nice time in Denver. It was nice to see Aubrey and Sarah, we only get to see them a few times a year. But now that we are closer josh and I hope to visit them some. The reception was very nice. Sarah did a great job putting it all together!! It was lots of fun getting to meet all of her family too.

We will be going back to Arlington on friday for Kai's pictures and also some pumpkin patch fun. I am not looking forward to going right after getting home from denver, but it will be fun to see friends again. Even though it is going to be a super short trip.

Well, I think that is all. My camera cord is currently MIA but when I find it I promise to post some knew Kai pics!!!

I used to use the word bittersweet to describe how I am feeling, but I have decided that it doesn't do the sadness enough justice. Five months ago, after josh had been unemployed for 4 months, we decided it was time move home. Home being Amarillo where Josh's parents and my mother live. Where my little brother and our nephew are. Where my grandparents and both of Josh's grandmothers live. Where Josh has an aunt and uncle and cousins and 2nd cousins. Where our FAMILY is.

I knew the day would eventually come when this move would happen. There were many times when we would leave Amarillo and drive back to Arlington and I would be in tears because I didn't want to leave our family again. I knew all that we were missing out on...the last 10 years of my little brothers life, the birth of our nephew, Josh's mom and my grandmother being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer, Josh's grandfathers dieing, just to name a few.

So when we made the BIG decision five months ago it wasn't a big deal. Sure I was sad that we were leaving. I was going to miss my friends terribly, but the payoff made it worth it.

Josh accepted a job in Amarillo two weeks ago and will be starting tuesday. We are not overly excited about the job, but hey it's a job. My mom came down almost two weeks ago to help us pack. She has been a life saver. I know it would not have gotten done if it wasn't for her. I realized today that packing was making it feel way too final for me, so I haven't been doing much. The u-haul truck is sitting in front of the house, and lots of burly men are coming soon to load it with all our belongings. The storage unit in Amarillo has been rented and our room at Josh's parents house is waiting for us. Everything has been taking care of.

But now I sit here only 24 hours left until we make the 6 hour drive to our new "home" and the reality of what we are leaving behind is hitting me square between the eyes. I haven't cried yet. I know it is going to happen, I'm a little teary eyed as I write this but I am able to hold it back...I'm not ready to let it flow just yet.

A decade of my life has been spent here. All of my adult and married life was in this town. This is where I found my footing, where I grew up, where I suffered and cried. There are so many memories here. Places I remember while driving, the surgery center where I had my first d&c. The Irving mall where I had my first post married job. The church where I made so many dear friends. The dr's office where I worked and learned so much. The apartment Josh and I lived in for the first 6 months of our marriage. The first house we bought that was only 900 square feet but was full of love and so much hope. This house that we are in now that I absolutely love, the only house my son has known as home. There are millions more, my head is swimming with memories.

And so I look around now and see all the boxes packed and ready to go and there is a glimmer of excitement inside me. As hard as it is I know that we made the right decision. Our son needs to know his family. I know that we will make so many new memories in Amarillo. I know that the pain of leaving will lessen with every passing day. But I will never forget this place where my "life" started and I will never forget the people who made the last 10 years so unforgettable.

Life continues to be crazy and chaotic. So much is in my brain right now and I will try to do my best to put it into some form that you can understand.

I have been thinking a lot lately how having an unemployed husband and being on the verge of financial ruin is much like having a miscarriage. It seems Josh and I are standing in one spot watching the world continue to spin around us. People are buying houses/cars, going on vacation, having babies, all while we just hope we have enough money to pay the bills AND buy the baby some food. It is a really odd reality that we are living in at the moment. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact the a highly educated man cannot find a job making more than 8.50 an hour.

There was a time just merely a week ago when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. We had some one interested in our house (it was between ours and another) and Josh had a job interview with an architecture firm in Amarillo. Finally it was all going to work out, or so I thought. Apparently the people chose the other house since we have heard nothing from their realtor. As for the interview, well it went exceptionally well. They actually offered Josh the job, making $20,000 less than he made at his last job. We thought and prayed and Josh gave them a counter offer...they declined. So now what do we do?

This article is so very interesting. I find many problems with the government even giving the NEA money. Why does the govt need to give money to starving artists? I mean I understand they are having a hard time right now, but seriously. What about starving architects. My husband has been unemployed for 6 months with not much hope at the moment of getting a job that makes more than 8.50 and hour, which by the way does not support a family of three. All he is seeing of the stimulus money is $25 extra in his unemployment, while these "artists" are getting $25,000. Something sounds really wrong with that too me. And I know that art is a relative term, but I would not consider this art.

Stimulus Bill Funds Go to Art Houses Showing ‘Pervert’ Revues, Underground PornographyBy Joseph AbramsFox NewsThursday, July 30, 2009
Talk about a stimulus package.
The National Endowment for the Arts may be spending some of the money it received from the Recovery and Reinvestment Act to fund nude simulated-sex dances, Saturday night “pervert” revues and the airing of pornographic horror films at art houses in San Francisco.The NEA was given $80 million of the government’s $787 billion economic stimulus bill to spread around to needy artists nationwide, and most of the money is being spent to help preserve jobs in museums, orchestras, theaters and dance troupes that have been hit hard by the recession.
But some of the NEA’s grants are spicing up more than the economy. A few of their more risque choices have some taxpayer advocates hot under the collar, including a $50,000 infusion for the Frameline film house, which recently screened Thundercrack, “the world’s only underground kinky art porno horror film, complete with four men, three women and a gorilla.”…We can’t afford to make perfect the enemy of the absolutely necessary,” Obama said at the time.
But he presumably didn’t intend to have stimulus money help fund the weekly production of “Perverts Put Out” at San Francisco’s CounterPULSE, whose “long-running pansexual performance series” invites guests to “join your fellow pervs for some explicit, twisted fun.”
CounterPULSE received a $25,000 grant in the “Dance” category; a staffer there said they were pleased to receive the grant, “which over the next year will be used to preserve jobs at our small non-profit.”…One project that has received past NEA funding and stands to get an additional boost from a $25,000 stimulus grant is “The Symmetry Project,” a dance piece by choreographer Jess Curtis.
The show depicts “the sharing of a central axis, [as] spine, mouth, genitals, face, and anus reveal their interconnectedness and centrality in embodied experience,” according to a description offered on Curtis’ Web site.
In the flesh — and there’s a lot of it — it amounts to two people writhing naked on the floor, a government-funded tango in the altogether.
Curtis said that diminished support from regular funders like San Francisco Grants for the Arts “would mean lots less work and less ability to organize … to get the work out in front of people.” He said the NEA funding will help keep his art afloat.
Nice! Obama preserves jobs for pornographers

http://www.floppingaces.net/2009/07/30/nea-gave-stimulus-to-fund-porn/

Maddie's parents have started a non profit organization in her name. It his to help parents who have babies in the NICU. Also, right now they are giving away a new Dell notebook, so buy some raffle tickets.

"Seriously it has been over 4 years, enough already, and you have a perfect little boy now too." This is the thought that continues to go through my mind whenever I blog, talk, think about my losses.
So to get my brain out of it's rut I will talk about that adorable little boy that I have. He is almost 8 months old now, can you believe it? I can't. He is up to 3 meals a day of solid food. He eats a ton. He is not crawling and doesn't seem to care, but he rolls like a champ and scoots a little too. He can always seem to get to what he wants to go. He is such a happy baby. I went to corner bakery today and 4 people commented on how happy he was. One lady even thanked me saying she needed a good smile. That just melts my heart when my son can bring joy to others.

He weighs almost 20 pounds now, not sure how long he is, I need to measure him. He loves the dog and the cats. If I am trying to feed him and the dog comes in forget about it. He watches to dog with this huge smile on his face. I can't wait for the days that they can play together. They will be great friends.

We have started using his car walker a lot more. Anytime I need to get something done I just put him in it. He loves to move around the house and try to chase the cats.

Here are a few of his 6 month pics

In other Moody news Josh got a job! Now before you all get too excited let me just say it is a "we seriously need some money" job not a "i could do this as a career" job. He is working at the new Kirklands in Mansfield as a stock supervisor. Which basically means he is in charge of the stock room and unloading all the trucks. He started on wednesday and will be working until tuesday when they open. Then he should be working about 25 hours a week. It is hard work and not great money, but hey it's a job.

In house news nothing is going on. We have had one family look at it twice and they told our realtor that we were on their short list. I told Josh it must be nice to have so many options and get to take your sweet time deciding which house you want. I really hope it is still a buyers market when we buy our next house.

I guess that's all. I really hope people still read this blog...

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