Ok this walking with God and trusting him thing is so stinking hard sometimes. I have worked through all my anger issues toward him and know that he is good, and loves me and all that. But it is hard to let go and be vulnerable to him again. To give it all to him, my life, hopes, and dreams.

You know when you have a really good friend that you love and trust, and then they do something that hurts you and breaks the trust. Well that is how I am feeling towards God. Even though technically it wasn't his fault, but he still allowed it. And I know that a lot of people have a problem with a God that would allow bad things to happen, but that is not my problem. My problem is that I have been burned by people in my life and I have a hard time believing that God is any different. Which is lie from the pit of hell. He is completely different. He is perfect and he loves me more than i can ever fathom. He is not man and as such he doesn't screw up and hurt people like men do. This is not the life that he wanted for me, but alas Eve ate the fruit and here we live in a very fallen and sinful world.

Hey I already feel better. I just needed to remind myself of who he is. He is different. Like no one we have ever met. And his love for me is endless. And I want to give him all of myself, everything, even my desire to be a mother.