A Day in The Life of a Moody Person

Today 10/12 is a due date anniversary for me. I also had one on 9/18 and will have another on 11/23. Today I remember my October baby. The one that was with me the shortest amount of time. The wounds are not as raw as they have been in the past. I am sure that is due to time and the anticipation of Kai's arrival. But they are still precious dates to me.

If you know a woman who has lost a baby, no matter how long ago it was, love on her this month. It is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. We remember our babies everyday of every month, but it is still nice to have a specific month to share those memories with everyone else.

Wednesday 10/15 is PAIL awarness day. I will be wearing my blue and pink ribbon. And then at 7:00 pm I will be lighting 5 little candles and letting them burn for at least an hour. Please join me in lighting candles for your babies or the babies of your friends and family. There will be a wave of light around the world.

Just wanted to let you all know that turkey has decided to flip on his own!!! He is officially head down now and the dr says it is pretty low. So that is fantastic news.

I see the dr again next week and then it is weekly after that. 4+/- wks left. I can't believe it is getting so close.

I will update again soon.

I don't know if any of you noticed but my last post was written around 4 am. This is being written at 4:24 am. So it seems when I get up for my 3 o'clock pee I have trouble going back to sleep.

Funny story... In my last post when I wrote that my friend Beth was a great photog it was because I honestly couldn't remember how to spell the word photographer. And I have heard people in the business use the word photog so I thought why not!!!!! So between pregnancy brain and it being four in the morning my mind is pretty shot.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the conundrum of being a pregnant infertile. I know that there are people who do not read my blog because I am pg and people who will not read anymore after the baby comes. And to some extent I really do understand the problem. I always loved reading pg and baby blogs because it gave me hope that it could still happen for me. The problem I am having is that I don't want the birth of my son to negate the 3 years of pain and heartache I went through. Those years were real and heartwrenching and one reason I survived them was to help other women through the same experiences. I guess what I am saying is that I am having a hard time commenting on blogs of women who still are not pg. I am afraid they will come here and see I am pg and say "oh she is pg she doesn't know what I'm going through", but that is so not true. I guess it is just a little odd to me that we are all working towards the same goal, pregnancy, but when we finally get there it is hard to support the ones still struggling.

I know that some women who have had babies have changed their blog and moved past their infertility and that is great. But for me infetility is such a huge part of who I am today. And in all honesty because of the PCOS I have no idea how easy or hard it will be to conceive my second child.

Ok moving on...

I'm going to take this time to tell you all how wonderful my husband is. He has always been a great husband but especially since the death scare in April he has been overly cautious of me. It's funny everytime I don't feel well he will ask, "are you dizzy, are you having abdominal pain". Thankfully I have no idea what it is like to see my spouse in so much pain and agony and then be wheeled of to the OR for surgery not knowing how it will all turn out. But unfortunately he does. Since this whole ttc thing I have had surgery 4 times and 3 of those were in the same year. I know that all of those were hard on him. Even though 3 of the surgeries I was never cut open they still put me under and you never know what can happen.

I am so thankful for him there are not even words to express it. He takes great care of me and doesn't let me overdo anything. I get to sit and watch him work. I can't wait until his son arrives and he sees how natural a father he really is. In his prayer last night he admitted he had no idea what how to be a parent. But I know that it is there inside him just waiting to come out. He is going to be a great daddy and I am so anxious for the day when Kai comes and Josh can see how natural it will come.

So much has been going on lately it seems I barely have time to breath anymore. But it is all good. Getting ready for a baby is work, but it is the best kind. Here is a recap of the last month or so.

In late August I had a shower in Amarillo and it was great. I got to see a lot of ladies I hadn't seen in a while. The hostesses did a wonderful job and I got lots of goodies.

While we were in Amarillo we bought out crib and changing table and hauled it all the way back down here. It was kind of an impulse buy but we had been looking for months with no luck so I was glad it was done. The room is all painted and the furniture is put together. Now I am just organizing everything and washing clothes and diapers. Once I get some pics taken I promise to share.

This past weekend I had my shower here. It was so much fun. Also, saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. It was pooh themed and they did a great job. The cake was a honeypot with adorable little bees on it, oh and it tasted great too.

We had our infant massage class last night. It was very interesting and I think it is something Josh and I are going to enjoy doing. They talked about how it is a good way for baby and daddy to bond since they don't always get the closeness like mommy and baby when breastfeeding. We have our breastfeeding class on Saturday and then we are having dinner at the Reatta which is my all time favorite restaurant.

Next Saturday Beth is doing our pregnancy pics and I am really looking forward to it. She is a great photog and I think it is going to be so much fun. I will post those pics too when I get them.

Turkey is doing great. At my dr's appts everything is good. He is still breech and we are trying to convince him to turn but he seems too comfy. My dr says at 36 wks I can go back to the specialist for a "version" which I have heard is not fun at all. But I'm willing to do it if it means the possibility of not having a c-section.

In other news a lot has been going on. My mom was let go from her job when they did away with her position, but since she is so talented she was able to find another quickly. My bil and sil's dog got hit by a car and passed away. It has been very hard for both of them. He was part of the family and now he is gone. My MIL just had surgery for breast cancer and will be in the hospital for a few more days. And my FIL will be having a heart cath in the next few weeks. So besides all the baby stuff we have been busy keeping up with family and praying a lot.

I'm hoping things will slow down soon and I will have time to play catch up on blogging and commenting before he arrives. I have so many blogs rolling around in my head that I need to get on paper. If you are still reading, thanks so much for all the love and support.

I am still alive and baby is still doing great. I have just been so freaking busy with work (training 2 new people) and trying to get the nursery done and the house clean.

Sorry I haven't been posting and sorry I haven't been reading and commenting. I have 306 blogs in my google reader, so that doesn't help with the overwhelming feeling I am having.

I hope to post more this weekend after my shower.

Love ya all, and hope you are all doing well

Things are going well with Turkey. We are praying he decides to turn in the next 10wks or so. We are leaving friday for our shower in Amarillo. I am so excited. I have cheated and looked at the registry a couple times. What I am hoping though is that people are waiting until the last minute to buy things, otherwise there may only 6 people there!!! The car seat showed up on our front porch the other day. That was super exciting. Thank you Uncle Jerry and Aunt Becky!!!!

We have completely destroyed our house. Josh has taken everything out of the spare room and the office and it is now in the livingroom and hall and diningroom!! We are working on trying to fit the office and spare room all into one room and I'm not sure it is going to work. I think we either need a new desk, or a futon couch bed thingy. We (well actually Josh) is working diligently to get things done, I'm not much help these days. I am thinking we can have it all done by the middle of September. To be honest though the whole thing is stressing me out a little. The realization that Kai could really come at any moment and we would not be even close to prepared is starting to take a toll on my nerves.

Another thing taking a toll on my nerves is my job. I have been pg since February and the whole process takes about 9 months, so my employer has known that they need to hire my replacement. When I talked to my office manager I told her I wanted someone here by August. That would give them a good 3 months to learn everything. Well August is basically over and no new girl. The dr talked to me today and said he hired someone but they wouldn't start until Oct. WTH...seriously. One month to train. He said she has experience so it should be ok. Whatever, she has OB/GYN experience and we are an ENT who does alternative medicine. A whole new ball game. So I told him I would really appreciate it if she could start sooner. But at this point what does it really matter. She still couldn't be here until the middle of sept if she gives her job any kind of notice. I am trying to not stress too much about it. but it makes me so freaking mad that they wait until the last minute to do anything. And that it is my nurse who is going to get screwed in the end. The new girl will not know anything and all of that extra work will fall on the nurse who is already overworked. It just really sucks that they don't ever look at how their actions affect everyone else in the office.