I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, the weather, family getting together, all of it. And this year is especially special because we are home with our family for good. I have sooooooo much to be thankful for this year, but first let me tell you what is burdening me.

Jon and Kate. I know, I know, the drama and everyone is over it already. I never watched the show, even when we moved here and I had access to TLC. I just wasn't interested. I knew all that was going on though, I mean who couldn't? Anyways, I did watch one episode about a month ago. It was a re-run where Kate went to have her tummy tuck. In the episode right before Kate goes back for surgery Jon prays for her. I was moved by the moment. One because it is always so touching when a man prays for his wife's safety. Two because it was on TV for the whole world to see. I think sometimes people are afraid to show their faith to the world. After that episode my heart broke for Kate and those kids. Just to see that at one time Jon loved Kate so much and apparently loved Jesus too. How did it all go so wrong? I pray for Kate now and her kids. That God would help her through this and that maybe somehow he would work a miracle and make them a family again.

Now on to the THANKFULNESS!!!!

• I am thankful that I have my family around me.
• I am thankful that my family is healthy, especially my son.
• I am thankful that my husband has a job.
• I am thankful that my in-laws are letting us live with them.
• I am thankful that my husband loves me and is faithful.
• I am thankful for the little baby growing inside my best friend!!!!
• I am thankful for the friends who truly love and care about me.
• I am thankful that God allowed me to live in America.
• I am thankful for the Food Network!!!

I could go on and on. There are so many things to be thankful for. Even when life, and the world seem hard and cold there are still so many things to be thankful for.

I hope that all of you have a very blessed Thanksgiving and take some time to remember what you are thankful for.

Dearest Kai Bear,

We have spent a whole year together already. It has been the best year of my whole life. You are everything I have ever wanted and more. I have enjoyed spending every day with you and watching your grow. I am so amazed at the little boy you have already turned into. You are so smart and funny. For so long I wanted to be a mother, but I never really understood what it meant. Being a mother is the best job I have ever had. I wake up everyday knowing I get to spend it with you. You make my life so happy. I am so thankful to God that he gave me you. You have such a wonderful personality. I look forward to all the years we get to spend together. I can't wait to see all the things you accomplish.

Thank you for being my son and giving me the opportunity to spend my life with you. I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,
Mommy

Just born 11/17/09 12:59 pm
One month old

Two months old

Three months old

Four months old

Five months old

Six months old

Seven months old

Eight months old

Nine months old

Ten months old

Eleven months old

Almost one year old!!!!

Unfortunately that is how old I am now. My birthday this year was kinda weird. I usually really look forward to my birthday but this year I barely remembered it. I think it is because Kai's birthday is so close to mine and I was (and still am) so focused on planning his birthday party(s).

We already had a party for him in Arlington and we are having one in Amarillo next weekend. The one in Arlington went well. We had lots of fun. We rented out this playarea. It was really nice that we were the only people there. The kids seemed to have a good time. I think Kai had fun too even though he wasn't walking yet. He loved the bounce house that had balls in it. He loves to throw everything!!!

The cake part was so funny. I am not going to tell you what he did. When I can get my computer working I will upload the photos and hopefully video so you can see it for yourself. He was just adorable.

Please continue to pray that we will sell our house. It is still a burden.

Kai has had his first infection...Tonsillitis. I would have never guessed. When he started running a fever I was sure it was the Flu since his Poppy was getting over it. But I was wrong. It will be so nice once he can talk and tell me what is wrong. In hindsight I am thinking his throat was hurting a while before his fever started. Poor baby. But he is doing much better now.

We are having his 1st birthday party in Arlington next weekend. I can't wait. I really hope everyone can make it. I think we are gonna have a lot of fun. And it is going to be great to see everyone again.

We still haven't sold our house. But we found out today that the house next door is for sale also. It will be interesting to see what they are asking and compare it to ours. We are thinking we need to paint the inside. It is colorful and apparently some people can't deal with color. I hate to pay to have it done, but if it sells the house then it will be worth it.

We really need to sell it so we can start paying off some debt we have acquired during our days of unemployment. And the sooner we do that the sooner we can buy our own house. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to the In-laws for letting us stay here, and honestly it has gone pretty well. It is just so hard to live in someone elses house. To cook in their kitchen. It is harder than I thought it would be. I am ready to be settled.

We are also talking about baby #2 which can't happen until we pay off debt and have a house. Also, I might need some health insurance first too!!!! Amazing AF arrived a few weeks ago. It was nice in a way that she made an appearance. I am interested to see how my cycles are going to be post baby. We are hoping to start trying again in January.

Here are some pics of the cutie pie!!!!!

The day is here again. The national recognized day to remember our babies who left us too soon. There is an "International Wave of Light" tonight at 7 your time. If you have lost a baby light a candle for them. If you haven't but know someone who has light a candle for them. Too many babies are lost every year to miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death. We need to take the taboo out of the grieving and let women know that they are not alone.




To my 5 sweet angels. I miss you everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and all the dreams I had for you. You made me the mommy that I am to your little brother Kai. I treasure him so much more because of losing you. I love you all so much.

Mommy

We are here and we are trying to figure out what life here is like. It has been terribly hard to get into any kind of a routine. But we have been enjoying getting to see family so often. I know that Josh going back to work has been so much easier because I get to see my mom on an almost daily basis. So let me do a quick update of all things Moody.

Josh's job is going well. He doesn't hate it but doesn't love it. He has realized he is the most educated person there, even more so than the partners. But he is hoping at his 6 month review they will see what an assest he is and give him raise/promotion.

Living with the in-laws is going ok. We are still trying to get unpacked and figure out where to put all our crap that we feel we need right now. All the other junk is in two storage buildings. It is a little cramped, but hey it's free so we ain't complainin!!

Kai is doing wonderfully well. He is sleeping in his crib at night and at nap time. Sometimes it is fight to get him down, but we are working on a routine so hopefully that will help. He has started CRAWLING!! Before we moved he was army crawling which worked great for him because we had hard wood floors. But here we have carpet so it was a little harder. It didn't take him long to get up on those knees and now he is all over the place. He started waving also. He is so cute when he does it. He only likes to wave with his right hand which is weird because he does most everything else with both hands. He is eating like a horse. I swear the kid has no full meter!!!

This weekend he went on his first plane ride. We went to Denver for my brothers wedding reception. (they got married in march) He did great on the plane both times, although on the way back he was kinda fussy from being tired. We had a very nice time in Denver. It was nice to see Aubrey and Sarah, we only get to see them a few times a year. But now that we are closer josh and I hope to visit them some. The reception was very nice. Sarah did a great job putting it all together!! It was lots of fun getting to meet all of her family too.

We will be going back to Arlington on friday for Kai's pictures and also some pumpkin patch fun. I am not looking forward to going right after getting home from denver, but it will be fun to see friends again. Even though it is going to be a super short trip.

Well, I think that is all. My camera cord is currently MIA but when I find it I promise to post some knew Kai pics!!!

I used to use the word bittersweet to describe how I am feeling, but I have decided that it doesn't do the sadness enough justice. Five months ago, after josh had been unemployed for 4 months, we decided it was time move home. Home being Amarillo where Josh's parents and my mother live. Where my little brother and our nephew are. Where my grandparents and both of Josh's grandmothers live. Where Josh has an aunt and uncle and cousins and 2nd cousins. Where our FAMILY is.

I knew the day would eventually come when this move would happen. There were many times when we would leave Amarillo and drive back to Arlington and I would be in tears because I didn't want to leave our family again. I knew all that we were missing out on...the last 10 years of my little brothers life, the birth of our nephew, Josh's mom and my grandmother being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer, Josh's grandfathers dieing, just to name a few.

So when we made the BIG decision five months ago it wasn't a big deal. Sure I was sad that we were leaving. I was going to miss my friends terribly, but the payoff made it worth it.

Josh accepted a job in Amarillo two weeks ago and will be starting tuesday. We are not overly excited about the job, but hey it's a job. My mom came down almost two weeks ago to help us pack. She has been a life saver. I know it would not have gotten done if it wasn't for her. I realized today that packing was making it feel way too final for me, so I haven't been doing much. The u-haul truck is sitting in front of the house, and lots of burly men are coming soon to load it with all our belongings. The storage unit in Amarillo has been rented and our room at Josh's parents house is waiting for us. Everything has been taking care of.

But now I sit here only 24 hours left until we make the 6 hour drive to our new "home" and the reality of what we are leaving behind is hitting me square between the eyes. I haven't cried yet. I know it is going to happen, I'm a little teary eyed as I write this but I am able to hold it back...I'm not ready to let it flow just yet.

A decade of my life has been spent here. All of my adult and married life was in this town. This is where I found my footing, where I grew up, where I suffered and cried. There are so many memories here. Places I remember while driving, the surgery center where I had my first d&c. The Irving mall where I had my first post married job. The church where I made so many dear friends. The dr's office where I worked and learned so much. The apartment Josh and I lived in for the first 6 months of our marriage. The first house we bought that was only 900 square feet but was full of love and so much hope. This house that we are in now that I absolutely love, the only house my son has known as home. There are millions more, my head is swimming with memories.

And so I look around now and see all the boxes packed and ready to go and there is a glimmer of excitement inside me. As hard as it is I know that we made the right decision. Our son needs to know his family. I know that we will make so many new memories in Amarillo. I know that the pain of leaving will lessen with every passing day. But I will never forget this place where my "life" started and I will never forget the people who made the last 10 years so unforgettable.

Life continues to be crazy and chaotic. So much is in my brain right now and I will try to do my best to put it into some form that you can understand.

I have been thinking a lot lately how having an unemployed husband and being on the verge of financial ruin is much like having a miscarriage. It seems Josh and I are standing in one spot watching the world continue to spin around us. People are buying houses/cars, going on vacation, having babies, all while we just hope we have enough money to pay the bills AND buy the baby some food. It is a really odd reality that we are living in at the moment. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact the a highly educated man cannot find a job making more than 8.50 an hour.

There was a time just merely a week ago when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. We had some one interested in our house (it was between ours and another) and Josh had a job interview with an architecture firm in Amarillo. Finally it was all going to work out, or so I thought. Apparently the people chose the other house since we have heard nothing from their realtor. As for the interview, well it went exceptionally well. They actually offered Josh the job, making $20,000 less than he made at his last job. We thought and prayed and Josh gave them a counter offer...they declined. So now what do we do?

This article is so very interesting. I find many problems with the government even giving the NEA money. Why does the govt need to give money to starving artists? I mean I understand they are having a hard time right now, but seriously. What about starving architects. My husband has been unemployed for 6 months with not much hope at the moment of getting a job that makes more than 8.50 and hour, which by the way does not support a family of three. All he is seeing of the stimulus money is $25 extra in his unemployment, while these "artists" are getting $25,000. Something sounds really wrong with that too me. And I know that art is a relative term, but I would not consider this art.

Stimulus Bill Funds Go to Art Houses Showing ‘Pervert’ Revues, Underground PornographyBy Joseph AbramsFox NewsThursday, July 30, 2009
Talk about a stimulus package.
The National Endowment for the Arts may be spending some of the money it received from the Recovery and Reinvestment Act to fund nude simulated-sex dances, Saturday night “pervert” revues and the airing of pornographic horror films at art houses in San Francisco.The NEA was given $80 million of the government’s $787 billion economic stimulus bill to spread around to needy artists nationwide, and most of the money is being spent to help preserve jobs in museums, orchestras, theaters and dance troupes that have been hit hard by the recession.
But some of the NEA’s grants are spicing up more than the economy. A few of their more risque choices have some taxpayer advocates hot under the collar, including a $50,000 infusion for the Frameline film house, which recently screened Thundercrack, “the world’s only underground kinky art porno horror film, complete with four men, three women and a gorilla.”…We can’t afford to make perfect the enemy of the absolutely necessary,” Obama said at the time.
But he presumably didn’t intend to have stimulus money help fund the weekly production of “Perverts Put Out” at San Francisco’s CounterPULSE, whose “long-running pansexual performance series” invites guests to “join your fellow pervs for some explicit, twisted fun.”
CounterPULSE received a $25,000 grant in the “Dance” category; a staffer there said they were pleased to receive the grant, “which over the next year will be used to preserve jobs at our small non-profit.”…One project that has received past NEA funding and stands to get an additional boost from a $25,000 stimulus grant is “The Symmetry Project,” a dance piece by choreographer Jess Curtis.
The show depicts “the sharing of a central axis, [as] spine, mouth, genitals, face, and anus reveal their interconnectedness and centrality in embodied experience,” according to a description offered on Curtis’ Web site.
In the flesh — and there’s a lot of it — it amounts to two people writhing naked on the floor, a government-funded tango in the altogether.
Curtis said that diminished support from regular funders like San Francisco Grants for the Arts “would mean lots less work and less ability to organize … to get the work out in front of people.” He said the NEA funding will help keep his art afloat.
Nice! Obama preserves jobs for pornographers

http://www.floppingaces.net/2009/07/30/nea-gave-stimulus-to-fund-porn/

Maddie's parents have started a non profit organization in her name. It his to help parents who have babies in the NICU. Also, right now they are giving away a new Dell notebook, so buy some raffle tickets.

"Seriously it has been over 4 years, enough already, and you have a perfect little boy now too." This is the thought that continues to go through my mind whenever I blog, talk, think about my losses.
So to get my brain out of it's rut I will talk about that adorable little boy that I have. He is almost 8 months old now, can you believe it? I can't. He is up to 3 meals a day of solid food. He eats a ton. He is not crawling and doesn't seem to care, but he rolls like a champ and scoots a little too. He can always seem to get to what he wants to go. He is such a happy baby. I went to corner bakery today and 4 people commented on how happy he was. One lady even thanked me saying she needed a good smile. That just melts my heart when my son can bring joy to others.

He weighs almost 20 pounds now, not sure how long he is, I need to measure him. He loves the dog and the cats. If I am trying to feed him and the dog comes in forget about it. He watches to dog with this huge smile on his face. I can't wait for the days that they can play together. They will be great friends.

We have started using his car walker a lot more. Anytime I need to get something done I just put him in it. He loves to move around the house and try to chase the cats.

Here are a few of his 6 month pics

In other Moody news Josh got a job! Now before you all get too excited let me just say it is a "we seriously need some money" job not a "i could do this as a career" job. He is working at the new Kirklands in Mansfield as a stock supervisor. Which basically means he is in charge of the stock room and unloading all the trucks. He started on wednesday and will be working until tuesday when they open. Then he should be working about 25 hours a week. It is hard work and not great money, but hey it's a job.

In house news nothing is going on. We have had one family look at it twice and they told our realtor that we were on their short list. I told Josh it must be nice to have so many options and get to take your sweet time deciding which house you want. I really hope it is still a buyers market when we buy our next house.

I guess that's all. I really hope people still read this blog...

.

They say time heals all wounds, but that doesn't mean the memory is gone. Being over 4 years since my first miscarriage I can attest that the pain has lessened, but the memory of those days and the words that were spoken are still fresh.

Maybe it's because I have suffered so much loss myself, but for some reason I am drawn to stories that break my heart. I want to help in some way, but I just don't know how. I feel it is my lifes calling to help women through the pain of infertility, miscarriage, infant death. I am just not sure the how, when or where. Sometimes I feel like I am so wrapped up in my own little world I don't know what is going on around me. I need to get out of myself and do something for someone else.

I have read Adrienne's blog about her son Noah for a long time. Her story is so sad but so uplifting at the same time. She has taken the pain of losing her son to do wonderful things for the world and for the kingdom of God.

I stumbled across Angie's blog about her daughter Audrey Caroline about a year ago. The strength and courage Angie had to carry Audrey to term knowing she would not survive. The beauty of the whole story just brings tears to my eyes.

And recently I started reading Heather's blog about her daughter Madeline a couple months ago after I heard of Maddie's unexpected passing. Her story breaks my heart. Her pain is so real and raw and she is not afraid to share it. She also loves to share stories and videos of Maddie. I love to watch the videos with Kai. He just smiles at Maddie, she was such a beautiful little girl.

And just now I stumbled onto this Caringbridge site about Kate. Kate is 5 and was diagnosed with a brain tumor just a few weeks ago. Her battle is just beginning and it will be long and hard. Her parents are fighting right along with her. They are crying out to God for the health and life of their daughter. My heart breaks for them. No parent should have to watch their child go through cancer.

This morning I found myself at youtube watching videos of Maddie when I noticed so many other "in memory" vidoes of babies and children. There really is so much loss and pain in this world. So many people having to say goodbye to children too early. I torture myself by watching these videos and feeling the raw emotions myself. My heart cries out for these families.

I know this post is pretty much a downer, and I guess that is where I am right now. There are just days when the grief and sadness take over. The memories of what I have lost flood over me and then I see that others have lost so much too. The world is so hard and so unfair. But it is in times like these that I have to remember how good God is . He loves us and cares for us. He hates all that we have to go through here on earth, but that is the price of free will I guess. I will continue to thank him for the lives of these children, all that they touched in such a short time. And I will continue to get on my knees and pray for the ones still fighting.

It's very late, or I guess you could say it is very early and I am awake. I feel tired, I would like to be asleep, but an upset stomach is keeping me awake.

Here's some honesty for ya...

• I have been avoiding church because I am not wanting to make new friends that I will have to say goodbye to very soon, it is hard enough thinking about saying goodbye to the ones I already have.
• I have been avoiding church because I feel guilty for not truly trusting God to give me a baby.
• I seem to have become a recluse. I don't know how it happened but I rarely go out and sometimes I am really ok with that because it takes too much energy to go out, but other times it makes me really sad.
• I hate being in this place of limbo, waiting to sell the house and move. I am ready to start fresh. I am ready to be near family again. But at the same time I am not ready to leave all this behind.
• It is oddly easy for me to trust God with josh's job and our finances.
• I miss working. I don't miss actually going to work, but I miss being a part of something.
• I want to go back to college, but I have no idea what I want to get my degree in.
• Josh and I were going to go on a cruise with some friends for our 10th anniversary, but with our current financial situation that is not gonna happen and that makes me a little angry at all the people who caused this financial crisis.
• I never knew that having a baby would be so much fun.
• My dad's birthday is today. I want him to know how thankful I am to him for Kai, but words and actions can't seem to express the depth of my gratefulness.
• My baby brother will turn 19 next friday and that makes me feel really old.

We are getting desperate here in Moody land. Josh has been unemployed for almost 5 months and funds are starting to run pretty thin. We have been living off of our tax return, which I am so thankful that we got, but it is almost gone.

Josh has applied for many jobs in Amarillo, but there were two that looked really good. He actually interviewed for one, but since then both places are under a hiring freeze (thank you Fort worth Bell Helicopter for deciding to strike!).

So we are still stuck in limbo land. Do we stay here and josh gets some random job (ie: bestbuy, walmart) or do we go ahead and move and he gets a random job in Amarillo? Do we want our house to be empty? We will have to pay someone to water the flowers, take care of the yard and take care of the pool. If we wait too long to move home my MIL will be going back to school and I don't want the stress of starting school and us moving to be happening at the same time. Why is no one looking at our house? It is the cheapest one in the neighborhood and has the biggest yard and a pool.

So many questions and basically no answers. Life is just a little complicated right now. I am working on trusting God through all of this. I know 100% that I am not in control of anything that is going on here. I know he has a plan and it wil happen in his time, just like everything does. I also know that we will be ok. We have family who loves us and will help us if need be. And foreclosing on our house is not the end of the world (even though I started to get watery eyed as I typed it).

Ok, now I'm full fledge crying. It's the stress. It is getting to be a little overwhelming. And I feel so bad for Josh. This has been so hard on him. He is such a great guy, and not getting a job has nothing to do with his abilities, it is just the crappy economy. But I'm sure for guys losing and job and not being able to find another really messes with your ego and pride.

So all we can do is wait and trust. Ask God for answers to the hundreds of questions we have and just go the way we feel him leading. At this moment we think we are staying put and josh is currently looking for some random job.

Be prepared for a super long post. I have lots to say, so here goes.

First off, we are moving. Josh has been unemployed since late January. He has not found another job, actually he hasn't even had a call back or an interview. It is just a really sucky time to be an architect/developer. So of course we are quickly running out of money. Seriously it is only by the grace of God that we have made it this long. So we put the house on the market last week and once it sells, or Josh gets a job we are moving home to Amarillo. It is an extremely bittersweet decision and one of the hardest we have ever had to make. We have been here for 10 years and there are so many people we love dearly and are gonna miss like crazy. But we feel this is the best option for our family. We really want Kai to know his grandparents, cousin, aunts and uncles. It is so hard to raise a baby without any family around. I have great respect for anyone who does it. He is growing up so fast and I am so sad that my mom is missing it. He is at such a cute age and they aren't getting to see it. They haven't seen him since late march.

I am ready for baby #2. I want to be pregnant again soooo badly. I really want the kids to be close in age and want to be finished having babies by the time I'm 35. But I can't really justify getting pregnant while Josh doesn't have a job(I do have insurance though and having a baby will only cost $250, so that's a plus!!). My fear is that I am going to wait until we are stable and then it will take me a long time to get pg again. But I really can't think about any of that right now I guess. I am not in control of any of it so it will happen when it happens. I am just ready now.

We are going to Amarillo on friday for a visit and to take some packed stuff to go ahead and store. Our garage is full of boxes and furniture we don't need. Friday is Josh and mine's 10th wedding anniversary. We are gonna have grandma babysit and go out for some dinner and a movie. I am sooo looking forward to it. Josh and I could really use some grown up time together.

Kai is doing great. Not really trying to crawl yet, but he has the rolling thing down. He can roll to get the toy, so who needs crawling?! Yesterday we took his 6 month pics at the park. He was a little fussy so there weren't as many cute smiles. I still can't wait to see them, they of course will be super cute. But for now enjoy these cute pics that I took of the sweetie pie!!

In March Dougie and his girlfriend Tracy came down for a visit and we all went to the zoo. It was lots of fun.

Can you see his teeth in this one? Look close. He now has two on the bottom and I think he is getting a top one too, but it's hard to tell because he bites me everytime I stick my finger in there to feel around!

I got an email from a women who is studying the care that women and families get after having a miscarriage. Please read about what she is doing and feel free to take the survey if you feel you can. Thanks.

My name is Lisa Rosenzweig and I am a doctoral candidate in Counseling Psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University, completing my dissertation research on women's experiences of miscarriage. I am hoping that the results of this survey will inform future research and practice regarding miscarriage among health and mental health providers, ultimately improving care for women and families affected by miscarriage. I wanted to contact you to ask if you would be willing to post a link to my web-based survey and invitation to participate on your Day in the Life of a Moody Person blog and website. Below you will find a copy of the invitation to potential participants. Please let me know if this might be possible and don't hesitate to contact me if you would like any more information about my study. I know your writing can provide such needed support, healing, and hope to women at what can be such a difficult time and I hope that my research can also help medical and mental health professionals understand the support needs of women and families as well.

Research Opportunity SURVEY

Everyone has a unique experience with miscarriage and many find help and support through websites like this one. Unfortunately, little is known about women's experiences of support and how this may affect responses to miscarriage, and so I invite you to participate in my dissertation research study examining women’s experiences following a miscarriage. Although there is no direct benefit to you, survey results may help healthcare providers better understand and meet the needs of women following miscarriage. This online survey takes approximately 15-20 minutes and is open to women who have miscarried a wanted pregnancy in the previous 6 months who are 18 years of age or older, living in the United States, and involved in a relationship with a significant other. Participants are eligible for a raffle for a $50 American Express gift certificate. For more information, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Lisa Rosenzweig
Teachers College
lsr2106@columbia.edu

I am so excited to announce the birth of baby Alexander Isaiah. His mom, dad, brothers Eli and AJ have anxiously awaited his arrival. He truly is a little blessing and so adorable.

Having a baby has made me aware of many things. Some good, some bad. But one thing that I am utterly aware of is how fleating life really is. We are here only for a moment and then we are gone. And we never know when that time will come. Sorry this is such a downer but I watched Marley and Me today and I have been reading a new blog.

I have been reading the story of Maddie's life. She was such a beautiful girl and she had such a beautiful spirit. My heart breaks for all that she had to go through for such a little person and for all that her parents are having to go through right now.

Just remember to treasure every moment you have with the ones you love. I know I will, I'm going to hug and kiss my boy right now.

and what I do is waste time. I have successfully wasted a WHOLE day. I have done nothing of worth today. No really, it's true. Here is a list of what I have done

1. check email
2. check forum
3. check facebook
4. read blogs
5. read new blog through a friends blog
6. decide to change my blog format
7. check email
8. check forum
9. check facebook
10. continue working on blog format
11. check forum
12. check email
13. check facebook
14. still working on layout
15. check forum
16. decide to write a blog post about how lazy I am

So there you have it. Of course in there I also fed, changed and played with the baby, while that is important I still wasted my day. Here is the list of things I should be doing.

1. dishes
2. vacuum
3. mop
4. oragnize Kai's clothes
5. laundry
6. finish the painting I started 2 years ago!!
7. work out
8. take baby for a walk
9. play with the dog
10. fold towels
11. reading my bible and praying
12. and on and on and on and on and on and on...

So you ask, "Rian why are you being so lazy?" That is a very good question and I think the answser is depression. I don't think it is PPD, I just think it is because of our current situation. You know josh unemployed, we have no health insurance, no job prospects, i can't motivate myself to lose weight, I don't ever leave this house except to work one day a week, and on and on and on and on...

Of course it is a neverending cycle. I'm depressed so I don't do any housework. I look at how messy my house is and that makes me depressed. I'm depressed so I eat crap and drink coke. I see how I haven't lost any weight and it makes me depressed. It really sucks.

BTW, check out my new blog layout. I'm no finished with it, but I think it is coming along nicely!!

Here are some 3 month pics of Kai and some family shots too, all taken by Beth. Enjoy...