I know I haven't been posting much about my ttc efforts here. I haven't really wanted to divulge too much info because If I was pg I wanted to tell my family and friends on my time. So that's why.

But since im not pg I guess I can spill my guts. Yup that's right, I went to the dr this morning for a blood draw and they called and said it was negative. I knew it would be, i just had this feeling. So now we move on. And we spend more time and money trying to achieve something that comes so easy to so many others. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I have been ttc my first for 31 months. Am I crazy to continue torturing my self cycle after cycle? I think the answer to that is yes and no. 31 months later and my desire to be a mother to a living child is even stronger now than it was then. I want a baby more than anything in this world and will go to whatever lengths i have to to get one.

So on to another cycle. Good thing we got insurance money for the hail damage on our cars. Otherwise who knows when I would be able to cycle again with my RE. So I will continue to hope and continue to pray and continue to remind myself that my view of God is not based on whether I have a child or not.

I'm home from california. I will post more later and some pics of the Golden Gate bridge and Salsalito!!

I'm going to Cali on the 23rd!! WooHoo. I have never been to California before so I am very much looking forward to it. My friend Donna (whom I have posted about in the past) and her husband are taking their oldest child to Stanford for a FragileX study. He went two years ago and they will retest him to see what progress has been made. I have volunteered to go along and watch the adorable A and baby B. I think it will be fun. Now don't get me wrong I don't think it will be the most relaxing vaca I've been on. But I think it will be good for me to get away and not focus on IF for a while. I will take lots of pics to share here.



Oh also we had a rep come to the office on Wed and talk about Homeopathy. It is very interesting. We use some homeopathics here but not a lot. I am intrigued by it all and plan to start using it to treat stuff such as joint pain, fatiuge, headaches, cramps. It is truly amazing what they can do and it is all natural. Safe for pregnancy and newborn babies.

I got the best present today. I know I have mentioned on here before about the prayer meeting the women at my church had for me last June 13th. They gave me the wonderful charm bracelet and prayed for me. Well, today when I got home from work there was a bag on my front porch. I opened it and read the words and cried. Sandy and Gayla had remembered the day and wanted me to know that they were still thinking and praying for me. They both shared this verse Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows, you have collected all my tears in your bottle...

And they gave me another charm to add to my bracelet. It is a bottle. I can't wait to get it added to my bracelet. It is so special that they took time to do this for me. Life can really suck at times. But when I really stop and think about it I am so blessed.

We are going home this weekend for my little brother's birthday. He is turning 17!!! I can't believe it. I was 11 when he was born and it was love at first site. We were together all the time. That is until i got married and moved 6 hours away. I have missed out on the last 8 years of his life. I try not to think about it because it makes me so sad.

I will say that he is the best little brother in the world. He is such a good kid with a smart head on his shoulders. If he can keep himself out of trouble he is gonna be an amazing man. I can't wait for the day he finds the women he wants to spend his life with. And then having a family. I pray the journey will be easier for him than it has been for me. He is gonna be a great father. I get excited everytime I think about his future. I just can't wait to see what wonderful things he does with his life.

Happy birthday Dougie. I love you so much. and miss you terribley. ~sis

Saw the dr on friday and she gave us the green light. I am so happy. It feels like forever since we were trying. She is also letting me come in on cd 14 instead of 10 to start monitoring. That is going to save me a ton of money. Which is good, it means if this cycle fails we may be able to afford one more before we will have to go au natural! So I stopped the BCP and just waiting for af to make an entrance and we will get going. I really hope and pray that this cycle is successful. and that the baby will be nice sticky!!!!

In hair news I have decided I am going to cut it off, but I am going to donate it to Locks of Love so it doesn't feel like I wasted the last two years growing it out. the only problem is that it isn't long enough yet. So I won't be cutting it for a couple months probably. But still i am doing it all for a good cause!