Ok, about the belly pic. I keep telling people that the fat to baby ratio needs to change significantly before this belly looks like a baby belly!!!!! As soon as I think that has happened I will be posting pictures. :)

Today is 18wks. It is so hard for me to believe that I am almost halfway. I cannot wait for the appt next week for a little peace of mind. Four weeks between u/s is way too long. Josh and I have been using the doppler and we are able to find the hb right away which is comforting.

I feel really good. I have energy and a desire to do things again! I'm usually not sick as long as I eat often. I have a morning routine that has seemed to keep the tummy happy. I am still not able to brush all of my teeth. When I try I usually lose my breakfast. But one day a week I have to brush, I don't want them all to fall out. On the other days I brush the front and then do some listerine.

I am wearing maternity clothes because the ladies up top have gotten a bit larger!! And the two pair of pants I did have that weren't scrubs are also a little tight. But my scrubs still fit fine. Officially I have gained 11 pounds. But I lost 8 pounds after the surgery, so I am saying I have only gained 3 which is good. I am trying to eat as healthy as I can. But I usually don't know what I want and I'm not in the mood to make anything, so that leads to eating out more than I want to. Also, I can't eat any meat that I cook. It is the weirdest thing. It just makes me sick I guess because I saw it raw.
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In other news work has just gotten a ton more stressful. I work for an allergy dr and when I started I was doing the skin testing and making allergy vials. When the receptionist quit I took over her job and N took over my job. N has worked here on and off for years. Well she came in yesterday and said it was her last day! Seriously, no notice at all. We skin test on Mon and Thur and we have patients scheduled. So guess who gets to take over her job until we hopefully find someone? Yup, that's right it's me. Considering I am the only one in the office who knows how to do it. So I get to do my job and her job, joy of joys!!! And the fact that I loathe skin testing and making vials doens't help the situation at all. It is just so monotonous and tedious and it drives me crazy. So I am praying they will get in gear and find someone soon.

Yup, sorry faithful readers, but I am still having my pity party and prolly will for the next 20 days or so. Have you ever felt that if one more thing in your life goes crappy you might just run and hide? Well that's where I am. I really feel like everything is falling apart. My IF and recurrent m/c, plus my recent marriage issues, the future of my employment and my church are unsure.

Things are happening at work and I may not have a job after January. I hate having to find a new job. I have worked here for 5 years, and although it is not my dream job, it is comfortable and I like comfortable. I hate having to meet all the new people and learn all the ends and outs of a new job. You know learning how things run in a new office and who is nice and who is not and all the politics and such. It just sounds exhausting.

As for church. I am not sure what the future holds. I love my church. I have been going there since it started almost 8 years ago. Josh and I had been married 6 months and I knew nobody, since I had just moved here after living in one place for 20 years. Church really is the only thing that has made it some what easy to live so far away from my family. But now it seems like it may be falling apart. Good friends are leaving and that makes me so sad. It is so hard to work in time to spend together as it is with busy lives, it will be so much harder now.

As for cycle news. My dad and I have been playing phone tag. I am ok with that because I am so afraid he will tell me that we can't have the money. But I know I just need to call him and get it over with. Oh in case you were trying to keep count today is cd 58. Woofreakinghoo for me!!!!!

So things have changed at work. Joy, who worked here for almost 28 years, has retired. She will be missed (Becki stop rolling your eyes in disbelief)!!! So the dr hired a new lady and she only had 2 weeks of training. Two weeks to learn a job that someone else did for 28 years. And to add insult to injury she has never done any of this before. She doesn't do shots or mix/start IV's. Thus me not liking change. She is different than Joy, not that that is bad, but just different. She is slower, which is understandable, but it gets us way behind.

Also, since Joy is gone and the other nurse is the only one that can really answer questions we have thrown our answering machine in the trash and now Rian gets to answer all the phone calls. Woohoo, what makes this even better is that I am not at my desk all the time. I can be pulling a chart, getting a supplement out of the closet, giving a shot, finding a nurse. There are a dozen things I can be doing besides sitting at my desk!!!!!! I might have to look into a cordless headseat to get this accomplished. (if you are chatting with me and i don't seem very friendly this is why, super duper busy now)

I think what is adding to my not doing well with all of this change is my birth control. I really think it makes me more anxious in stressful situations. I know it is doing a number on my hormones because i feel I might cry at the drop of a hat. I have been able to keep my composure though!!.

Oh some gooder news. I have my saline sonogram scheduled for friday june 15th. One thing down two to go.