When I first saw that I had a comment from anounymous I cringed. I know too many bloggers out there who have had exrememly rude, condescending comments on their blogs. But I do have to say that this anon commenter was very nice in saying what she needed to say. But I will be honest and tell you that I still dislike anon comments. If you have something to say to someone, and you think it is important, why do you hide behind anonymous?

And thank you so much Beth for trying to clarify things!!

Here is what I have to say to the anon commentor. I really do appreciate your comment. I think you were very nice and sweet in expressing your opinion and for that I thank you. I do believe that you took what I said about drug addicts incorrect. It breaks my heart daily that I have no children and may never. It also breaks my heart to see women who abuse their body in a variety of ways so easily concieve, while I must spend years and money to do so. I respect each and every mother who puts her child up for adoption instead of choosing to abort. I am sure that is a gut wrenching decision.

I do not agree however that adoption should be so expensive and seemingly out of reach for so many couples. The logical thought would be that if a couple wants to adopt and thus put themselves through an emotional and physchological rollercoaster, they must really want a child. My concern is how many children already go unadopted and live life in foster homes, many of which are not loving, caring environments.

I tried to find some stats on what precentage of children are not adopted but didn't have much luck. I did find this website that gives stats about children in foster care. It says that on September 30, 2005, 513,000 children were living in foster care. That number is astonishing to me. I know that some of those eventually returned to their parents or live with family members, but many will stay until they turn 18. It seems to me that if adoption were more affordable maybe more couples would adopt and these children would have loving homes.

I personally would love to have a lot of kids, 4-6.(Josh may be having a heart attack right now!!) But with my currently IF situation that won't be happening biologically. I am open to adopting 1 or even more children. But that is not a reality for us. We cannot afford even one and that breaks my heart to know that children may have to spend their days in foster care because for some reason adoption has to be so expensive.

My friend Beth mentioned that she was thinking about volunteering for Glad.ney adoption. This sounded like a good idea to me. I have been feeling lately that I am too self involved. I even forgot my step mom's birthday. All I seem to think about is my own pain and suffering. I really need to get out of myself and do something worth while.

So today I went to the Glad.ney adoption website and started looking around. I decided to sign up to get the free adoption info. That was a mistake. I have heard that they are one of more expensive adoption centers, but still are they serious with these amounts?

Income Adoption Fee
Less than $75,000 $25,700
$75,001-$100,000 $28,700
$100,001-$150,000 $34,700
$150,001-$200,000 $40,700
$200,001 plus $42,700



So for a couple who makes less than $75, 000 they have to spend 1/3 of their income on adoption. How do people do that? I know that 1/3 of my income goes to paying bills. I could also do 3 IVF cycles for 25, 000.

It just makes me sad that any drug addict can have a baby. But a women who would be wonderful mother can't have children because her body is screwed up and she's not rich. It just doesn't seem fair.

I went to wal-mart today. For those in the IF world, WM is not the place to go if you are having a bad day. Women with 5 screaming kids and big pg bellies everywhere. But I had to go and get a prescription. So I took a deep breath and went in. After I got my prescription I went over to the food to get some stuff for dinner. At this walmart they have cleverly placed the baby section right next to the frozen food. From a distance I saw the rack of baby Christmas dresses. The one on the front was a newborn size, so cute and tiny. For some reason I decided to walk over and look at it. And then the thoughts started... I should be buying a newborn Christmas dress for my baby. And then I kept walking in the baby area. All the while wondering why I was torturing myself. I saw the coats and thought I should be buying on of these too. After looking around for a minute I decided I had enough.
As I was walking away I realized I was OK. It was a weird feeling. I wasn't a total mess, trying to fight back the tears. I was OK. My heart was still aching because of what I don't have, but I think after three years of this rollercoaster I am in a new place emotionally. And I think it is a good place. A place where I could see myself being ok with not having kids. A place where I can look at baby stuff and not spend the next day in bed. I guess this is just another part of the journey. And I am sure there will still be times when I will leave in tears, but I think they will be the exception.
In other news Josh and I are seriously looking into adoption. I have thrown the thought around in my head for a while. But I think now is the time to start everything. Of course the biggest issue is money, but there are assistant programs so we are looking into those too. The future is definately uncertain at this moment. But I think i am ok with that.