Well it looks like Kai's birthday will be 11/17. Unless he decides to come on his own before that. On monday I will be 10 days overdue and we are gonna induce.

I really wanted to avoid an induction, but it would have to happen on thursday, but Monday works out better. My mom will be coming into town on Sunday afternoon. I am praying that he will come on his own late sunday or early monday.

I'll keep you posted!!

Still no baby. I told Josh it was my fault for being such a good mom. I have made him waaaay to comfy in there. I'm sure it is a rookie mistake!!

I have a NST today. They will do a sono and I will get to see my baby again. Of course I would rather see him in person, but this is the next best thing. I am really hoping she will not say he is getting too big. I do have a feeling he is gonna be really long though. I guess I will find out today.

Nothing else going on really. Oh wait ya today is my birthday. The big 3 0. Luckily i haven't really had time to think about how old I am and that it is just down hill from here!!!

Not much to update. Dialated to a 3 and 90% effaced. Just waiting for him to decide for him to make his entrance. He is not due for another 4 days so we are just waiting. My dr will let me go 2 wks overdue but I am praying that won't be the case. I am against inducing but he better come out soon or I might be considering it!!

I see the dr again on wed. I will update if there is anything exciting going on!!

But until then enjoy some of belly pics that my very talented friend Beth did...

This one is my favorite!!

Just wanted to let you all know that turkey has decided to flip on his own!!! He is officially head down now and the dr says it is pretty low. So that is fantastic news.

I see the dr again next week and then it is weekly after that. 4+/- wks left. I can't believe it is getting so close.

I will update again soon.

I don't know if any of you noticed but my last post was written around 4 am. This is being written at 4:24 am. So it seems when I get up for my 3 o'clock pee I have trouble going back to sleep.

Funny story... In my last post when I wrote that my friend Beth was a great photog it was because I honestly couldn't remember how to spell the word photographer. And I have heard people in the business use the word photog so I thought why not!!!!! So between pregnancy brain and it being four in the morning my mind is pretty shot.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the conundrum of being a pregnant infertile. I know that there are people who do not read my blog because I am pg and people who will not read anymore after the baby comes. And to some extent I really do understand the problem. I always loved reading pg and baby blogs because it gave me hope that it could still happen for me. The problem I am having is that I don't want the birth of my son to negate the 3 years of pain and heartache I went through. Those years were real and heartwrenching and one reason I survived them was to help other women through the same experiences. I guess what I am saying is that I am having a hard time commenting on blogs of women who still are not pg. I am afraid they will come here and see I am pg and say "oh she is pg she doesn't know what I'm going through", but that is so not true. I guess it is just a little odd to me that we are all working towards the same goal, pregnancy, but when we finally get there it is hard to support the ones still struggling.

I know that some women who have had babies have changed their blog and moved past their infertility and that is great. But for me infetility is such a huge part of who I am today. And in all honesty because of the PCOS I have no idea how easy or hard it will be to conceive my second child.

Ok moving on...

I'm going to take this time to tell you all how wonderful my husband is. He has always been a great husband but especially since the death scare in April he has been overly cautious of me. It's funny everytime I don't feel well he will ask, "are you dizzy, are you having abdominal pain". Thankfully I have no idea what it is like to see my spouse in so much pain and agony and then be wheeled of to the OR for surgery not knowing how it will all turn out. But unfortunately he does. Since this whole ttc thing I have had surgery 4 times and 3 of those were in the same year. I know that all of those were hard on him. Even though 3 of the surgeries I was never cut open they still put me under and you never know what can happen.

I am so thankful for him there are not even words to express it. He takes great care of me and doesn't let me overdo anything. I get to sit and watch him work. I can't wait until his son arrives and he sees how natural a father he really is. In his prayer last night he admitted he had no idea what how to be a parent. But I know that it is there inside him just waiting to come out. He is going to be a great daddy and I am so anxious for the day when Kai comes and Josh can see how natural it will come.

So much has been going on lately it seems I barely have time to breath anymore. But it is all good. Getting ready for a baby is work, but it is the best kind. Here is a recap of the last month or so.

In late August I had a shower in Amarillo and it was great. I got to see a lot of ladies I hadn't seen in a while. The hostesses did a wonderful job and I got lots of goodies.

While we were in Amarillo we bought out crib and changing table and hauled it all the way back down here. It was kind of an impulse buy but we had been looking for months with no luck so I was glad it was done. The room is all painted and the furniture is put together. Now I am just organizing everything and washing clothes and diapers. Once I get some pics taken I promise to share.

This past weekend I had my shower here. It was so much fun. Also, saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. It was pooh themed and they did a great job. The cake was a honeypot with adorable little bees on it, oh and it tasted great too.

We had our infant massage class last night. It was very interesting and I think it is something Josh and I are going to enjoy doing. They talked about how it is a good way for baby and daddy to bond since they don't always get the closeness like mommy and baby when breastfeeding. We have our breastfeeding class on Saturday and then we are having dinner at the Reatta which is my all time favorite restaurant.

Next Saturday Beth is doing our pregnancy pics and I am really looking forward to it. She is a great photog and I think it is going to be so much fun. I will post those pics too when I get them.

Turkey is doing great. At my dr's appts everything is good. He is still breech and we are trying to convince him to turn but he seems too comfy. My dr says at 36 wks I can go back to the specialist for a "version" which I have heard is not fun at all. But I'm willing to do it if it means the possibility of not having a c-section.

In other news a lot has been going on. My mom was let go from her job when they did away with her position, but since she is so talented she was able to find another quickly. My bil and sil's dog got hit by a car and passed away. It has been very hard for both of them. He was part of the family and now he is gone. My MIL just had surgery for breast cancer and will be in the hospital for a few more days. And my FIL will be having a heart cath in the next few weeks. So besides all the baby stuff we have been busy keeping up with family and praying a lot.

I'm hoping things will slow down soon and I will have time to play catch up on blogging and commenting before he arrives. I have so many blogs rolling around in my head that I need to get on paper. If you are still reading, thanks so much for all the love and support.

I am still alive and baby is still doing great. I have just been so freaking busy with work (training 2 new people) and trying to get the nursery done and the house clean.

Sorry I haven't been posting and sorry I haven't been reading and commenting. I have 306 blogs in my google reader, so that doesn't help with the overwhelming feeling I am having.

I hope to post more this weekend after my shower.

Love ya all, and hope you are all doing well

Things are going well with Turkey. We are praying he decides to turn in the next 10wks or so. We are leaving friday for our shower in Amarillo. I am so excited. I have cheated and looked at the registry a couple times. What I am hoping though is that people are waiting until the last minute to buy things, otherwise there may only 6 people there!!! The car seat showed up on our front porch the other day. That was super exciting. Thank you Uncle Jerry and Aunt Becky!!!!

We have completely destroyed our house. Josh has taken everything out of the spare room and the office and it is now in the livingroom and hall and diningroom!! We are working on trying to fit the office and spare room all into one room and I'm not sure it is going to work. I think we either need a new desk, or a futon couch bed thingy. We (well actually Josh) is working diligently to get things done, I'm not much help these days. I am thinking we can have it all done by the middle of September. To be honest though the whole thing is stressing me out a little. The realization that Kai could really come at any moment and we would not be even close to prepared is starting to take a toll on my nerves.

Another thing taking a toll on my nerves is my job. I have been pg since February and the whole process takes about 9 months, so my employer has known that they need to hire my replacement. When I talked to my office manager I told her I wanted someone here by August. That would give them a good 3 months to learn everything. Well August is basically over and no new girl. The dr talked to me today and said he hired someone but they wouldn't start until Oct. WTH...seriously. One month to train. He said she has experience so it should be ok. Whatever, she has OB/GYN experience and we are an ENT who does alternative medicine. A whole new ball game. So I told him I would really appreciate it if she could start sooner. But at this point what does it really matter. She still couldn't be here until the middle of sept if she gives her job any kind of notice. I am trying to not stress too much about it. but it makes me so freaking mad that they wait until the last minute to do anything. And that it is my nurse who is going to get screwed in the end. The new girl will not know anything and all of that extra work will fall on the nurse who is already overworked. It just really sucks that they don't ever look at how their actions affect everyone else in the office.

Let me first say that I seriously love being pregnant. Of course there are things about pregnancy that I don't really like. But the good out weighs the bad everytime.

The one thing I don't like about being pg is how freaking paranoid I am. There are moments where I am blissfully happy. Moments where I think about giving birth and bringing this little Turkey home.

But there are also moments when my mind goes the other way. This morning was one of those. I have gotten used to Kai kicking me when I wake up and roll over or use the bathroom. But this morning he didn't. I felt no movement. I'm sure a person without my history and knowledge wouldn't think twice. But it sends me into a tailspin of emotion and it is crazy how quickly my brain can go places I don't want it to go. So I lay there praying to God that all is well and that he will kick as the knot in my stomach grows and grows. I finally wake Josh up, slightly embarrassed by my paranoria, to break out the doppler. He is very understanding and of course we find that beautiful heartbeat right away.

This is just another way that I have been robbed of the blissful pregnancy. I have gone through too much. I am too informed and I know exactly what can go wrong. There are no guarantees at the end of this road and that terrifies me.

27wks today!!! Woo freaking hoo!! I am just in awe that we have come this far. And we could be meeting our little boy in +/- 13wks. It is just so surreal.
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We have picked the colors for the nursery and have the paint we just need to finish cleaning and put up the paneling and chair rail. I'm trying to not get too anxious about the whole process, but im not very successful! I would really like to get it done before the first shower, but I'm not holding my breath.
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I passed my glucose test!!! Praise God. I was really worried because of the PCOS. But all is well. I am very anemic and need to take iron. I was anemic after the surgery and I guess I stopped taking the iron too soon. That might explain one reason why I am exhausted all the time. I'm sure the other reason is because I have this parasite sucking all the energy out of me! :) But I do love my little parasite!
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I am still waiting for my job to hire my replacement so I will have time to train someone. I know that the nurses will be the ones to suffer if the new girl doesn't get enough training. And it looks like I will get to be training a new skin tester at the same time. So much fun. I love how they wait until the last minute to do everything.
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We have started our birthing class. Well actually it is an at home course. We are doing Hypnobabies. My goal is for NCB. And I know a few women who have used this with much success. My dr said she will let me go 2wks past my due date before inducing which is great. I have seen too many inductions turn into c-sections and I want to avoid that if at all possible. I actually think he may come early. The dr said I was measuring 2 wks early. And he has always been ahead at all of the sonograms.
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We scheduled our 4-D sono for 8/18. I am so excited to see his little face.
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In none pregnancy news. Did you know that the DFW metroplex kicked butt last night on reality TV? On Last Com.ic Stand.ing Eliza won and she is from here and on So You Thi.nk You Can Dan.ce Joshua won. Josh and I have been watching both shows and of course they were on at the same time so we had to flip back and forth. I was very excited that Joshua won. Even though I really wanted Courtney to win, Joshua is a great dancer and has a long career ahead of him.

Today is the last triple digit day. My little floaty baby thing says 100 days left. So double digits from here until we get to single. Oh what a great day that will be!!!

Not much going on. Showers are being planned. One over labor day weekend and one in Sept. We are working on the nursery. Still trying to get it cleaned. Hopefully we can start painting soon.

Pregnancy brain is getting really bad. I am not pronouncing words correctly. I am laughing at really stupid unfunny things (i.e. Wipeout, the new show on ABC). And I am saying stupid things. This kid is sucking all the smart out of me and leaving me a blubbering idiot!!

Really that's all going on. Life over here is pretty normal and quiet these days, which I appreciate very much.

It's funny to me how peoples perspective changes when going through different times of life. I have read many blogs where an IFer has gone on to have a baby and said that their struggle was all worth it. I believed this in my own life. I mean I had to believe that this would be the case or there was no reason to continue the rollercoaster. But it was hard to fathom ever being on the other side.



But as I type this the 3 years I spent struggling with IF seems like a lifetime ago. Even though this baby is not here safe and sound yet, the hope and dreams I have for him and the hopes and dreams he is filling have overshadowed all of that pain and suffering. It's amazing to me really how different life can be in a few short months. I remember being so hopeless less than 7 months ago.



25wks today and still amazed at how far we have come. Only 15wks to go. It's so funny how these last 15 wks feel like such a short time because there is so much to do. But those first 13 wks felt like a life time. Another change in perspective I guess.

I bought a Hooter Hider!! Is that not the funniest name? They have so many cute patterns but I wanted one that was kinda understated. No need to draw any more attention is my theory. I was going to get a basic black or maybe cream color. But I found one I really loved so I got it. This is the fabric.

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I am having lunch tomorrow with Amber. We met at a MEND meeting and have emailed and commented on each other's blogs. But we are finally going to have lunch and chit chat. I am looking forward to it.

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I will end on a sad note today. Most of you know we are from Amarillo. We still have many friends that live there. Last night I was talking to my friend Megan and she told me of some terrible news. The vice principle of Amarillo High (which is were dougie went to high school) drowned over the weekend. He leaves his wife, who is 8wks pregnant, and two other children. He was only 30 years old and a great guy. Here is the story. If you think about it would you please pray for his family. Especially his wife. I cannot even fathom the pain and heartache she is experiencing right now. Also, pray for the new baby, that all will continue to go well.

Sorry I haven't posted. I have been on vacation. I will post more about that later with some pics!!

But for now I will share with you the name Josh and I have picked for our first son!!!

His first name will officially be Malachi, but we will call him Kai. I love the name Kai, but Josh wanted something we could shorten and that had more meaning so we agreed on Malachi.

The middle name will be Ellington. This is my real dads last name. This is a tribute to him since he is the one who gave us the money to do this cycle. I truly believe that Kai would not be coming in november if it weren't for him. We knew that IUI with injectibles was the next step and there was no way we could have afforded it on our own.

I have not told my dad the name yet. We want to do it in person and we haven't had a chance to get together.

So there you have it. Malachi Ellington will be making his debut in +/- 17wks!!!

Turkey is a...









BOY!!!!!

Woohoo, we are having a son. Josh and I are extremely excited. All of his parts are great, heart, kidney, brain. He was just perfect. I didn't really get any good pics but we did get a video. So I will see if there is anyway to pics up here. That's all for now. I gotta go get some boy stuff. My house is filled with girl stuff. And my little tough guy can't be wearing pink!!!!

Ok, about the belly pic. I keep telling people that the fat to baby ratio needs to change significantly before this belly looks like a baby belly!!!!! As soon as I think that has happened I will be posting pictures. :)

Today is 18wks. It is so hard for me to believe that I am almost halfway. I cannot wait for the appt next week for a little peace of mind. Four weeks between u/s is way too long. Josh and I have been using the doppler and we are able to find the hb right away which is comforting.

I feel really good. I have energy and a desire to do things again! I'm usually not sick as long as I eat often. I have a morning routine that has seemed to keep the tummy happy. I am still not able to brush all of my teeth. When I try I usually lose my breakfast. But one day a week I have to brush, I don't want them all to fall out. On the other days I brush the front and then do some listerine.

I am wearing maternity clothes because the ladies up top have gotten a bit larger!! And the two pair of pants I did have that weren't scrubs are also a little tight. But my scrubs still fit fine. Officially I have gained 11 pounds. But I lost 8 pounds after the surgery, so I am saying I have only gained 3 which is good. I am trying to eat as healthy as I can. But I usually don't know what I want and I'm not in the mood to make anything, so that leads to eating out more than I want to. Also, I can't eat any meat that I cook. It is the weirdest thing. It just makes me sick I guess because I saw it raw.
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In other news work has just gotten a ton more stressful. I work for an allergy dr and when I started I was doing the skin testing and making allergy vials. When the receptionist quit I took over her job and N took over my job. N has worked here on and off for years. Well she came in yesterday and said it was her last day! Seriously, no notice at all. We skin test on Mon and Thur and we have patients scheduled. So guess who gets to take over her job until we hopefully find someone? Yup, that's right it's me. Considering I am the only one in the office who knows how to do it. So I get to do my job and her job, joy of joys!!! And the fact that I loathe skin testing and making vials doens't help the situation at all. It is just so monotonous and tedious and it drives me crazy. So I am praying they will get in gear and find someone soon.

So... I really need to start blogging more. It is such a good outlet for me, and right now I seem to just be bottling everything up inside.



There were many times in the last 3+ years where life sucked and I really had to focus on all the good that I had then. I mean in the big scheme of things life was really good. I had a great dh, a house, car, good job, friends, family, pets. I still have all of those things and now I also have the thing I have desired most. Or at least I am close to having it.



The whole car wreck thing is not turning out as we had hoped. It seems the witness was a friend of the other lady and they both said Josh had a red light. Which means our ins has to pay for everything, which in the end means they will take the hail damage money out of the total they pay us for the car. That was the money we were going to use to buy the next car. Also, Josh's cell phone got broken in the wreck and now we get to buy him a new $300 phone.



So once again I am trying to focus on the good. The fact that I am almost 16wks pg. That my husband is fine after that awful wreck. And that I know somehow this will all work out in the end. God always provides, even if it isn't in the way I would have wanted.



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In more happy news, I bought some maternity clothes. I needed to buy a swimsuit because I think I am going to spending a lot of time in the pool considering it is only may and we have already hit the mid 90's. I picked a suit from old na.vy because it was cheap. I'm not going to spend $80-100 on something I will only wear for 3 months. So while I was at ON I also got some shorts and capris!! I have a friend that gave me all of her maternity clothes so I have lots of tops but not many bottoms. I ordered these online, so I'm anxiously awaiting their arrival!!



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I think I forgot to update you all on my last ob appt. Well the dr did a sono and was concerned about fluid level again so she sent me to a specialist because he has a big $250,000 u/s machine. I was a little nervous as I waited at his office. He did the scan and said all was well. Baby measured great and the fluid level was where it should be. So that was wonderful to hear. I see the ob again in 3wks and him and 3wks, which means I will get two anatomy scans!!! So I'm gonna put a poll up on the side of the blog and see what people think as far as gender goes!!



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We had dinner with my dad and his wife this weekend. I hadn't seen him since he came to the hospital the day after my surgery. We had a really nice time. Of course I had presents. His wife always brings me something (usually a purse), she is jus the sweetest thing. Anywho, she did indeed get me another purse. But there was also something else. I unwrapped it to find a box that said Friedma.n's Jewel.ers on it. I opended it and there was the most beautiful diamond cross necklace. I was speechless. Stephanie said my dad had picked it out himself and it was my mother's day present. There are not even words to express how much that means to me. I really think that this baby is going to make our relationship so much better.



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I am looking forward to Memorial day. I always enjoy a 3 day weekend and Josh and I will be celebrating our 9th anniversary (which is the 29th). We have already bought our present because we are such impatient people. We got Rock.band for our X.box and it is so much fun. He plays drums and I play guitar. We started a band and we are on tour!!!! I know we are such nerds! It's good though that we enjoy the same kinds of things and we can play together!! Next game purchase will be the new mar.io kar.t for the W.ii!!!!

So it's been a while hasn't it. I have much to catch you up on.

As for Turkey things seem to still be going well. I have an appt with the ob tomorrow. I am hoping she will listen to the hb with the doppler. We haven't been able to find it with ours, so I want to see where she finds it. I have been drinking tons of water and getting IV's at work with the hope that it will increase my fluid. I have a sono on monday to check out where it is!!

I did figure out that the nausea was because of my prenatals. Since I stopped that brand I have been feeling much better. Stupid vitamins!

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So now for the exciting news. I have a 2005 VW passat that I love. It is just a beautiful car. But seeing as how we have a baby on the way we are trying to cut our bills back so I am able to stay home. So the passat had to go. We had been trying to sell it for about 9 months now. But the problem is we are upside down. Apparently when you buy a car 2 months before the new body style comes out it drops dramatically in value, who knew?? Anywho, our lease is up next may so we figured we would be stuck with it until then.

That was of course before yesterday! Josh went to start his car and the temp light started flashing. It needed coolant, and it also happened to have a flat tire. So he decided to drive my car. About 45 min later he calls me and tells me that a Tahoe ran a red light and hit him on the rear passenger side. That made the car spin around and run into her again and then they both ended up on the other side of the intersection.

He is ok, just banged up a little. But the passat has gone to car heaven. I cried when I saw it. My poor little blue baby. I really did love that car even though I hated the car payment. So, because God works in mysterious ways this is actually a blessing. Josh and I were smart enough that when we bought the car we got this little thing called "gap insurance". Which means they will pay off what we owe on the car rather than what it is worth. Woohoo. So I did lose my beautiful car but now we are out from under it. We owe VW nothing else and that is a great feeling.

Another lucky thing is that we just filed a hail damage claim on it and a suburban that we have. We were not going to get the suburban fixed and now I guess we won't get the passat fixed either. So were are going to use that money to buy me a used car. Hopefully a passat wagon.

I have pics on my cell phone, if I can figure out how to get them off I will post. Otherwise we left some stuff in the car so when we go get that I will take pics with the camera and show you the carnage!!

So 12wks4days today. How very exciting. I can't believe I have made it this far. Had a sono yesterday and baby is doing great. Heart beat was 122. So all is well with baby.

But, and that is a freaking huge but. Sac is still behind. And what that means at this point is low amniotic fluid. And we all know babies can't survive without enough fluid. So they are keeping an eye on it. I have another sono in 3wks to check the level. So now I am praying to make it to at least 24wks. Anything after that is an extra blessing.

Ok, let me start this with saying how extremely thankful I am that I am pg and have made it past 12wks. How thankful I am that Turkey is doing great and growing as he/she should. But that being said I still feel so angry that nothing about this pg is going smoothly. That nothing about the whole ttc thing went smoothly. Is it really too much to ask for something, anything to be textbook?

I think I am just in a bad place right now. I kept telling myself I will be more happy and more conected to the pg once I hit 12wks. But now I feel like I am waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. I mean I always knew that something could happen at anytime, but now I have this fear that it will happen. That I will be having this baby earlier than I should. I know there is nothing I can do to stop what is going to happen. And I know that worrying about what might happen does nothing to keep it from happening. So I'm gonna try to be positive and enjoy what is going on right now, even though it is so hard.