I used to use the word bittersweet to describe how I am feeling, but I have decided that it doesn't do the sadness enough justice. Five months ago, after josh had been unemployed for 4 months, we decided it was time move home. Home being Amarillo where Josh's parents and my mother live. Where my little brother and our nephew are. Where my grandparents and both of Josh's grandmothers live. Where Josh has an aunt and uncle and cousins and 2nd cousins. Where our FAMILY is.

I knew the day would eventually come when this move would happen. There were many times when we would leave Amarillo and drive back to Arlington and I would be in tears because I didn't want to leave our family again. I knew all that we were missing out on...the last 10 years of my little brothers life, the birth of our nephew, Josh's mom and my grandmother being diagnosed and treated for breast cancer, Josh's grandfathers dieing, just to name a few.

So when we made the BIG decision five months ago it wasn't a big deal. Sure I was sad that we were leaving. I was going to miss my friends terribly, but the payoff made it worth it.

Josh accepted a job in Amarillo two weeks ago and will be starting tuesday. We are not overly excited about the job, but hey it's a job. My mom came down almost two weeks ago to help us pack. She has been a life saver. I know it would not have gotten done if it wasn't for her. I realized today that packing was making it feel way too final for me, so I haven't been doing much. The u-haul truck is sitting in front of the house, and lots of burly men are coming soon to load it with all our belongings. The storage unit in Amarillo has been rented and our room at Josh's parents house is waiting for us. Everything has been taking care of.

But now I sit here only 24 hours left until we make the 6 hour drive to our new "home" and the reality of what we are leaving behind is hitting me square between the eyes. I haven't cried yet. I know it is going to happen, I'm a little teary eyed as I write this but I am able to hold it back...I'm not ready to let it flow just yet.

A decade of my life has been spent here. All of my adult and married life was in this town. This is where I found my footing, where I grew up, where I suffered and cried. There are so many memories here. Places I remember while driving, the surgery center where I had my first d&c. The Irving mall where I had my first post married job. The church where I made so many dear friends. The dr's office where I worked and learned so much. The apartment Josh and I lived in for the first 6 months of our marriage. The first house we bought that was only 900 square feet but was full of love and so much hope. This house that we are in now that I absolutely love, the only house my son has known as home. There are millions more, my head is swimming with memories.

And so I look around now and see all the boxes packed and ready to go and there is a glimmer of excitement inside me. As hard as it is I know that we made the right decision. Our son needs to know his family. I know that we will make so many new memories in Amarillo. I know that the pain of leaving will lessen with every passing day. But I will never forget this place where my "life" started and I will never forget the people who made the last 10 years so unforgettable.