So my dad said yes about the money. But i don't know when he will give it to us. So the waiting continues. I am hoping and praying for follow through on his end.

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Since I don't know when we will get the money I am not currently doing anything IF wise. Which makes me feel hopeless. It's awful but I really don't believe I can get pg without medical intervention. I thought about going on bcp so that my cycles won't be totally out of control. But josh didn't want to. Because of that 1 in a million chance that we could conceive on our own. Wouldn't that be wonderful if it did happen? But im not holding my breath.

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My diet is going well. I have currently lost 8 pounds. Woohoo!!! Go me!! Anyways, i still need to go to the gym. Changing my eating is only gonna get me so far. The only good thing about not cycling is that I can spend more time on losing the weight and not thinking I'm just gonna get pg so why work on it. The one habit I can't change is Coke. I have to have at least 1 a day (don't ask how many ounces that one is)!!!!

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I'm not faithful with taking my prenatals. It is something I really need to work on. The morning I found out my 2nd pg was over I had taken my prenatals that morning and hadn't eaten. My stomach was upset for the rest of the day. For some reason now I associate taking them with loss. and after each loss it gets harder and harder to take them. It amazes me that I will spend 1000's of dollars to try and have a baby, but the little things I should be doing are hard for me.

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These last couple of days have been really hard for me. It seems pg and babies are every where and it just makes me sad. I feel so hopeless. That I have been doing this for almost three years and am no closer to having a baby. The next three months, each with their own edd, are gonna be torture. I think they will be even worse since I'm not doing anything to make my dream come true. I am just so ready to be on the other side of this journey.