I met with Greg today and as always I leave feeling so much better and enlightened.

Of course we talked about suffering. The best part is that all Greg does and tell me the truth about God. It always helps. It's one of those things that I know but I just needed someone to remind me when times are hard. We went over his paper he wrote on "Prayer and Suffering". I'm going to give a short version of it here.

Why does God allow us to suffer? Doesn't He love us and hasn't He forgiven us

• God does love us and he has forgiven our sins. It is because he loves us that he wants us to learn perseverance, develop character and receive hope. And these things grow out of suffering. "Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character hope." Romans 5:1-4

This is so true. When you think of people who have great character you see that their lives were not easy. People that spent time in concentration camps, or prisoners of war, or debilitating disease. These people have character. I want to have character. I want people to see something different in me. I want my suffering to produce perseverance, charcter and definately hope.

• Intimacy with Jesus. "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings." Phillipians 3:10

My deepest desire is intimacy with Jesus. From the very first m/c i was desperate to have my suffering point me to Jesus and for our relationship to grow. I believe that it has. God knows that my biggest issue is trust and I believe that he is using this suffering to teach me to be vulnerable to him. To break down my walls and give it all to Him. I think that I have been doing this albeit slowly for the last couple years. With each new suffering i realize more and more how much I need him.

• God gives us the opportunity to suffer well and thus demonstarte His worth, which is what it means to glorify Him. Loving and honoring God through suffering is the ultimate testimony. "Though the fig tree does not blossom, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior" Habakkuk #17-18

I want to suffer well. I want to glorify God through my suffering. I have known three cancer patients that glorified God through their battles. Regardless of the test results, or the pain or all the pills they had to take, or surgeries, or the parts of their bodies that we stolen by the cancer, they always pointed towards God. They all knew he had the power to heal him if he chose. But believed that he was still good and loving if he didn't. Two of them lost their battle and they are an inspiration to me everyday of how I need to suffer well. I want my pain and sorrow to point others heavenly. I want them to see my hope and wonder what makes me different. The one cancer survivor continues to glorify God through her life and her testimony.

• The Christian life is a holy warfare with the invisible legions of Satan. Because the battle is real so is the struggle and suffering. But in the end we will count our sufferings unworthy to be compared to the glory that results. "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

I know that God's glory will come out of my suffering. That he works all things for good. And isn't that what my life is supposed to be about, glorifying God. I may not be able to see all of the glory that comes from my suffering. But I believe that it will happen, and I can't wait to here about it all in heaven.

I feel so much peace and hope right now. I know that God loves me and that He is a good God regardless of what I go through. I don't know what my future holds but I know that He will be with me every step of the way.