HCG went to 205, which is double plus one. That is a doubling time of 48 hours which is good. I guess i just hoped it would do more than double. But I'm content that it is going up as it should. I really don't think I will be able to completely let down my guard until 12wks. That is my milestone. I have never made it that far. Seeing a heartbeat is going to be wonderful. But I know that an HB doesn't mean baby is ok. I would have seen an HB with my first loss if I had gone to the dr sooner.

Speaking of HB. The first sono is 3/11. Which I equate as an eternity from now. I have had 2 first sonos and both have been horrible, and heart wrenching. So I am a little leary of this step. I want so bad to see that HB, it will be one of the best moments of my life. I just have a fear that the past will repeat itself.

I really hate being so worried and stressed out about this pregnancy. I just wish I could enjoy it, and I am trying my hardest to. I was doing really well until today when they called with the new numbers. I guess I was hoping for more than 205 and now that I have a sono scheduled it means this is really happening. I am really pregnant and there is a possibility that this will turn out as all the others have. But, it could also turn out completely different which is what my heart is trying to focus on.