As a child I dreamt of getting married and having children young. Those dreams of my youth did not include infertility and recurrent miscarriage. They didn't include doctors, blood tests, drugs, sonograms, surgeries and so many many tears. Those dreams are gone and all that's left is the fear that I may never have children. That I may never be able to achieve the very essence of why woman was created.
Two years into my infertility journey, after two miscarriages, I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). The basis of this syndrome is that I do not ovulate and I have an increased risk of miscarriage. Basically it is close to impossible that I would ever get pregnant on my own. Because of this I see a specialest, a reproductive endocrinologist.
I have been on this rollercoaster called infertility for almost 3 years now. In that time I have done 8 cycles of clomid and had four miscarriages. I have also spent about $10,000. Now I am at a crossroads. It is time to move on to more aggressive treatments such as IUI (intra uterine insemination) with injectible medicine or possibly IVF (in-vitro infertilization). Neither of these is covered by my insurance. At my clinic an IUI with injectibles cycle is $4000 and IVF is $8000. Another option for me is adoption, but that can be anywhere from $15000-$30000. My husband and I both have good jobs, but we are not in a position where we can afford any of these treatments or adoption.
So where does this leave me? It leaves me with a broken heart and shattered dreams. The one thing that I have wanted all of my life I may never have. It leaves me feeling sad and inadequate. Feeling like a failure since I can't make my husband a father, or my mother a grandmother. Wondering what life will be like when my husband and I get older and there are no children to take care of us. Wondering how I will ever be able to live a childless life without becoming a shell of a person. These are things I don't like to think about. I try to keep hope alive in my heart. But without insurance coverage my dream of becoming a mother may just be that... a dream.
Two years into my infertility journey, after two miscarriages, I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). The basis of this syndrome is that I do not ovulate and I have an increased risk of miscarriage. Basically it is close to impossible that I would ever get pregnant on my own. Because of this I see a specialest, a reproductive endocrinologist.
I have been on this rollercoaster called infertility for almost 3 years now. In that time I have done 8 cycles of clomid and had four miscarriages. I have also spent about $10,000. Now I am at a crossroads. It is time to move on to more aggressive treatments such as IUI (intra uterine insemination) with injectible medicine or possibly IVF (in-vitro infertilization). Neither of these is covered by my insurance. At my clinic an IUI with injectibles cycle is $4000 and IVF is $8000. Another option for me is adoption, but that can be anywhere from $15000-$30000. My husband and I both have good jobs, but we are not in a position where we can afford any of these treatments or adoption.
So where does this leave me? It leaves me with a broken heart and shattered dreams. The one thing that I have wanted all of my life I may never have. It leaves me feeling sad and inadequate. Feeling like a failure since I can't make my husband a father, or my mother a grandmother. Wondering what life will be like when my husband and I get older and there are no children to take care of us. Wondering how I will ever be able to live a childless life without becoming a shell of a person. These are things I don't like to think about. I try to keep hope alive in my heart. But without insurance coverage my dream of becoming a mother may just be that... a dream.
