**As you can see I changed my blog background AGAIN!! I like to change it, because it's something I have control over. Anywho, I changed it to poppies. I had a dream the other night that I got a tattoo and it was 6 poppies, but only one of them was full and open. I am currently saving up money to get said tattoo. I am super excited about it...ok, now back to our regularly scheduled blog post!!**
I am currently on a weight loss journey. It's a journey I have started numerous times but never finished...mostly because I lack self-control, discipline and motivation, all the things that make losing weight even possible.
I have thought I was/or been overweight for most of my life. It runs in my family (these days whose family does it not run in?). I don't really remember ever being skinny, I always had a little bit of a belly. I can clearly remember a conversation I had with my mother. I asked her what I needed to do about my little tummy because I was unhappy with it. She told me not to worry because I would thin out when I started my period. My period began when I was 10 (I know it's early and it sucked) so this convo happened before I was 10. But unfortunatly my mother was wrong. My body shape didn't change when I started my period.
Recently I found my childhood diary. Sadly there is an entry in there about me needing to lose weight...I was only 13. Now at this time I was not fat. I was not skinny either, I was just normal. But of course I didn't look like what society considered thin so I was always self concious about my body.
So this desire to lose weight started over 20 years ago. And here I sit so much further away than I was then. I can pinpoint exactly when I gained all this weight that I now really do need to lose. I don't know how much I weighed when I got married, but I was still wearing all my high school clothes, so I guess I hadn't gained any in the 2 years since graduating.
After Josh and I got married I got a new job. Sadly after 2 years the store I was working at closed and I was unemployed for 3 months...that is when it began. I remember waking up one morning and realizing I had gained some weight. Of course those 3 months would have been a perfect opportunity to work out and get in shape, but instead I was worried and depressed and when I am those things I eat!!
Fast forward to the first time I got pregnant. I know how much I weighed then and it is much less than I weigh now. Then I was only about 15 lbs higher than the suggested weight for my height. That 15 would have been really easy to lose...sigh. I was only pregnant for 12wks, but I gained 10lbs in that time. I worked all day and was exhausted by the time I got home, so we mostly ate out for those 12wks. Of course then I had a miscarriage and depression set in and my eating habits continued as they had most of my life.
Add to all of this 3 more miscarriages, anti-depressants and fertility medicine and you can imagine what happened. Luckily, my pregnancy with Kai didn't add to my weight issues. I gaine 25lbs when pregnant with him and lost them all the day I had him. Wish I could lose another 25 that easily!!!
Why is she telling us all this you ask. Because I need it out there. I need the accountability of others knowing. I am serious this time about losing the weight. I feel different, this journey feels different. I know that if I continue as I am I will just continue to gain weight...thus being unhealthy, maybe not being able to have another baby and not living long enough for the one that I have. Also, with my PCOS I am pre-diposed to diabetes and heart disease, I don't need to keep making it easy for those things to happen.
So here is the plan...
- Join weight watchers. DONE
- Stop eating suger. STARTED
- Start working out either at home, at the apt gym and/or join crossfit. I will probably do a combination of these.
Oh, BTW, down 4.8 pounds already!!!!
