Exactly 6 years ago today my journey with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss started. I can remember the day like it was yesterday. It was my first visit with my ob and I was 11wks5days pregnant. I can remember how excited I was, I was going to have a sonogram and see my baby and it's heartbeat. Once we were finally called back we met with the nurse and went over everything and then we went to the sono room. I got undressed and got on the table then the tech got started. Being a newbie I had no idea what to expect or what was going on. I just remember silence and wanting the tech to tell me something. And then she said the words that broke my heart into a million little pieces..."this is not a good pregnancy, there is no heartbeat".

I still cry every time I think of that moment. That moment started a very long and very heartbreaking journey for me.

As often as women miscarry you would think that the drs office would be prepared, but there weren't. We had to sit in a room waiting for the dr to be free so he could talk to us. And then of course he said what all drs say after the first miscarriage "this happens a lot and there is no reason to think that next time it would happen again"...if only. After meeting with the dr we scheduled the d&c for friday (it was wednesday). I had to go to the surgery center and have my blood drawn, all the time wishing I could just go and call my mom and sob. Josh called my friends and let them know. 3 Wonderful friends came over that night and cleaned up the house for us and prayed for us. It was the second time I saw Josh cry. The next day I had to go to work. Not because I had to but because I knew I couldn't sit at home and think about it. At the door I broke down and told one of the nurses I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I could continue after losing this baby. I remember meeting the dr in the hall and him giving me a big hug and telling me how sorry he was.

That night I emailed my friend and told her how I couldn't fathom the dr going in and taking my child out. How unfair and cruel it was. My mom drove into town for the d&c, she came for all of them. For me the procedure was easy. I was happy to have some pain killers to dull the feelings.

As we all know everyday it gets easier and eventually I was ready to try again. But that first experience took away my innocence and changed my life forever.