In just a few days I will have been ttc for three years. I cannot believe that it has been three years. It seems like time has flown by, but also stood still.

For some reason today my mind has been thinking about that first little baby that was conceived almost three years ago. I am remembering all the dates; af arrived 12/11, conceived 12/26, positive hpt 1/10, no more m/s 2/20, dr appt where we found out baby had died 3/2, D&C 3/4.

I seriously couldn't believe that we got pg on our first try. I just knew it was going to take awhile since my cycles were never normal. I remember begging Josh to let me take the test early. We had set a date to test, but of course being the future poasaholic that I was I wanted to test early. I just knew that it was going to be positive and I wanted to know sooner. So he gave in and let me take it. We were both so happy. Josh's birthday was in two days and this was the best gift ever. We had some friends over for his birthday, and josh announced it to them by saying "all Rian got me was a stick with two pink lines!!!" Everyone was so excited for us.

I wonder as time continues to go on if these memories will leave me slowly. Or if they are so much a part of who I am now that I will remember all of the details forever. I hope that I do. These memories, and even the bad ones too, are all that I have left of that precious little life that I carried for 12 weeks. That life that meant so much to me and forever will.