A Day in The Life of a Moody Person

Sorry I haven't been blogging. I have been avoiding this space, actually I have been avoiding lots of things...like calling friends, making new friends, answering emails, so on and so forth. This last year has really knocked me out.

I mean I'm no stranger to hard times but this last year has just been a different hard. I really wish I could get on this blog and chat about how great my life is and how things always go as I have planned them, but sadly that doesn't seem to be the lot I was given. I do believe that at some point this season will pass, but right now I am in the middle of it. See this is why I don't blog, it always seems so whiny and sad. But I realized this is MY blog and I need to get these feelings out. I decided if no one reads it then that is ok with me because I need an outlet, but it would be nice if people did read it!!

It has been 1 year since Josh lost his job. It's so funny the bliss we were in after Kai was born and then just 2.5 months later our world was rocked again. I am extremely thankful that while Josh was unemployed he got to spend so much time with Kai. Those are precious moments that neither of us will forget.

Our house has been on the market for 9 months now and I am trying not to lose faith that it will sell. I know God is in control and it will sell when it is supposed to but it is just so hard living in limbo. There is no way we will be able to move out of the inlaws and buy our own house until that one sells. And once it does sell we will still need to live here so we can pay off some debt we racked up while being unemployed.

And then there is Josh's job. He is so unhappy. How do you convince a man that the reason he can't find a good job has nothing to do with his abilities or skills? I know that men have so much of themselves tied up into providing for their families but sometimes it's not their fault. The economy just really sucks. I am just praying that he can find something that makes him happy. I will not allow him to stay at a job that he hates for too long. This unhappiness affects every other part of his life and mine too.

Friend stuff is just weird now too. I had a really good friend recently tell me we can't be friends anymore because of things I really don't understand and it has affected me in ways I hate to admit. I hate that certain things will remind me of her and how sad I am that our 10 year friendship has gone down the drain. It seems as though she has moved on just fine and I hate myself for not being able to do the same.

So as a recap...RIAN IS IN A FUNK AND SHE IS SOOOO DONE WITH IT!!! Today I am taking back control (what little I have anyways) of my life. I am going to find the joy in the midst of the crap. I have started a new diet and excercise program and I hope to be lean and mean very soon. I am going to treasure those friends who do love and care about me, and I am going to call them more often too!!! I am going to remind myself how thankful I am to be living near family and how great it has been for Kai to get to know his grandparents. And even how sometimes he seems to like them more than me!! I am going to remember that God has a plan and purpose for my life and even though I don't know all the details I will wait patiently on Him. I am going to blog more often about the wonderful things that are happening in my life. I mean I have a 14 month old, everyday is full of wonderful new things.

I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, the weather, family getting together, all of it. And this year is especially special because we are home with our family for good. I have sooooooo much to be thankful for this year, but first let me tell you what is burdening me.

Jon and Kate. I know, I know, the drama and everyone is over it already. I never watched the show, even when we moved here and I had access to TLC. I just wasn't interested. I knew all that was going on though, I mean who couldn't? Anyways, I did watch one episode about a month ago. It was a re-run where Kate went to have her tummy tuck. In the episode right before Kate goes back for surgery Jon prays for her. I was moved by the moment. One because it is always so touching when a man prays for his wife's safety. Two because it was on TV for the whole world to see. I think sometimes people are afraid to show their faith to the world. After that episode my heart broke for Kate and those kids. Just to see that at one time Jon loved Kate so much and apparently loved Jesus too. How did it all go so wrong? I pray for Kate now and her kids. That God would help her through this and that maybe somehow he would work a miracle and make them a family again.

Now on to the THANKFULNESS!!!!

• I am thankful that I have my family around me.
• I am thankful that my family is healthy, especially my son.
• I am thankful that my husband has a job.
• I am thankful that my in-laws are letting us live with them.
• I am thankful that my husband loves me and is faithful.
• I am thankful for the little baby growing inside my best friend!!!!
• I am thankful for the friends who truly love and care about me.
• I am thankful that God allowed me to live in America.
• I am thankful for the Food Network!!!

I could go on and on. There are so many things to be thankful for. Even when life, and the world seem hard and cold there are still so many things to be thankful for.

I hope that all of you have a very blessed Thanksgiving and take some time to remember what you are thankful for.

Dearest Kai Bear,

We have spent a whole year together already. It has been the best year of my whole life. You are everything I have ever wanted and more. I have enjoyed spending every day with you and watching your grow. I am so amazed at the little boy you have already turned into. You are so smart and funny. For so long I wanted to be a mother, but I never really understood what it meant. Being a mother is the best job I have ever had. I wake up everyday knowing I get to spend it with you. You make my life so happy. I am so thankful to God that he gave me you. You have such a wonderful personality. I look forward to all the years we get to spend together. I can't wait to see all the things you accomplish.

Thank you for being my son and giving me the opportunity to spend my life with you. I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,
Mommy

Just born 11/17/09 12:59 pm
One month old

Two months old

Three months old

Four months old

Five months old

Six months old

Seven months old

Eight months old

Nine months old

Ten months old

Eleven months old

Almost one year old!!!!

Unfortunately that is how old I am now. My birthday this year was kinda weird. I usually really look forward to my birthday but this year I barely remembered it. I think it is because Kai's birthday is so close to mine and I was (and still am) so focused on planning his birthday party(s).

We already had a party for him in Arlington and we are having one in Amarillo next weekend. The one in Arlington went well. We had lots of fun. We rented out this playarea. It was really nice that we were the only people there. The kids seemed to have a good time. I think Kai had fun too even though he wasn't walking yet. He loved the bounce house that had balls in it. He loves to throw everything!!!

The cake part was so funny. I am not going to tell you what he did. When I can get my computer working I will upload the photos and hopefully video so you can see it for yourself. He was just adorable.

Please continue to pray that we will sell our house. It is still a burden.